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Originally Posted by SonoranBob  In what sense is someone liking you having something forced on you? I don't see a connection there at all. Yes, it's possible the attention would be unwelcome because the attraction isn't mutual or the other person is not right. But the magic word "no" takes care of that. |
I feel forced to like guys when they like me more than i like them. Because naturally i feel like i have to give as much as he is giving,care as much as he is caring. But i cant do that in a matter of days or weeks. It takes me months to get feelings for someone enough to where i can truly give and mean it. I feel like the first few months are just trying to impress the other person,you dont really know them yet,so feelings cant be genuine.
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Personally I think there is something intensely appealing about someone having clarity about me without needing a sell job. You surely have to acknowledge at least the possibility that someone could genuinely love you, for you, without the need for a lot of convincing.
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Yes,i totally agree with you...i know that somebody can love me just for who i am...BUT NOT IN THE FIRST MONTH OR TWO. That is all my point is. Love doesnt pop up overnight,it takes cultivating,like a garden. LOL sorry i'm full of analogies!
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As for the fun of the chase -- I've never really understood that. Perhaps in part because I'm not a highly competitive person, in part because I have always felt that one of the key challenges in any relationship is making it sustainable beyond the initial attraction. If part of the initial attraction is the pursuit itself, then after the capture, what is there? I'd rather see a strong attraction up front. Some of it might actually survive the mating ritual!
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I'm not talking about the fun of the chase. I dont even want to chase him or have him chase me. I simply want to be friends! That doesnt involve any chasing. And there is nothing competitive about getting to know someone as a friend.
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It's also very nice not to have to earn something, especially love. Do gifts offend you? Does love in particular need to be based on how hard you work or how worthy you are?
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No gifts dont offend me as long as i know the person is giving it to me genuinely. I wouldn't want a diamond necklace from a guy i've only known a few weeks,i'm sorry,that is just too superficial for me. Then he's just trying too hard.
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Making sure you've earned love is in my experience an itch you can never entirely scratch because it comes from a place of being convinced somewhere deep down that you're not worthy.
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Its not like that at all. I feel like what i am worthy of,nobody can equal that. I feel like everyone else is too superficial and move MUCH too quickly and they dont value a strong foundation,they just wanna act on their impulses of lust and dive in head first and make something out of nothing. They just seem desperate to have something with you that they practically force it into existence.
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If a person can't save themselves, they can't save anyone else.
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Like i said in my other post,the more we use the word "save" the more i dont like it. Saving someone implies that they are in danger. I dont know what the word is i'm looking for,i just want to experience true love,like everybody else. I want to open up someone to love,to help them realize they are capable of loving and being loved. And that,in turn,is also helping me,because i am letting it flow out of me and into someone else. In order to love someone,yes,you do have to love yourself,but loving other people is HOW you experience love for yourself,because you are a loving person so therefore,obviously,you experience more love. LOL (this is really funny cuz im listening to a song right now where they keep repeating "you give me love,love,love,love,crazy love",no wonder why i am rambling on and on about it LOL)
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even if they feel they need saving in some sense, it ultimately rubs them the wrong way. Some part of them feels condescended to and that part of them will act out in retaliation. Some part of them feels obligated because you're giving them a free pass they don't feel they deserve.
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Does this really happen? Somebody would actually resent someone for loving them? That sounds too horrible to be true,that people would actually react that way. Well i want someone to realize they DO deserve love and have love inside them,they just need someone to help them see it. I dont want them to feel unworthy anymore.