Hello Caren,
I'd like to share a bit of experience I've had with problems self-esteem. From your first post, I noticed you felt self-loathing only when you started to compare yourself to this new man you like, who comes from a life of privilege and wealth.
The real problem however is not what happened to you in your past, but how you interpret your current world. It seems to me that you view your current world from your past experience, like your parents not acknowledging your presence, not coming from wealth and not having all these things. But many people have had your experience, it isn't a ticket to a life of more poverty and worthless though.
It simply means that you've had some bad experiences in life. Mindset is all about meaning. All that needs to change is how you want to interpret the meaning of your past experiences and deciding whether they are a factor in your life now. If you compare what you have and what you've experienced with other people's, you will always fall short. No matter how rich you are, there will always be someone richer. No matter how happy you are, there will always be someone happier. Comparisons are pointless and endless if we engage in them. What really is a measure of worth is whether what you do is meaningful to you. Regardless of what is external, whether it be opinions, judgements or advice from other people. Even people who are well intended often do not give the best advice. Because the perfect advice doesn't exist.
I suggest you do something that you like to do, that you find enjoyable, a hobby, sport or a game. Once you start to enjoy the things YOU are doing, guys won't care where you came from, or how much money you have, because you won't care.
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