[Peyem]

After reflecting on the previous post I was not happy with it and decided to re-write it. I shouldn't expect others to dig through my BS to try and find a hidden problem. This is my attempt at being more forward.

I feel like I have little to no control over my emotions. More often than not I cannot distinguish between them. I often become happy, upset, frustrated and I'm unaware of what caused it, or I blame the source on some unrelated event, sometimes myself. Many days I don't feel anything. Other days I have a very difficult time making simple choices like what to eat or whether I should eat, or if I'm even hungry. When my indecision leaves the inanimate world it's even worse. I have actually sat and thought for long periods of time whether or not I love my parents. The only conclusion I came to is that by default everyone does, which means I must. I didn't feel any different though. Thoughts like these extend to nearly every possession and acquaintance I have ever had. I think my logical side is overworking itself.

Earlier while driving I came to the theory that this stems from a combination of a deep rooted fear of exposing myself to others, and a fear of rejection within social circles. I have learned to emulate or mimic others very effectively, which has led to almost everyone liking the person I present to them, yet no one truly knowing who I am. I have probably been doing this my entire life, and as such it has resulted in not even me really knowing who I am, and it gives the control of my emotions to the moods of the people that are around me.

That's just an idea though. If anyone can relate to this or has heard of something similar I'd love to hear about it. Hopefully I wont regret this post and delete it too.