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helgi · 11-05-2006, 07:54 PM

When I read Jonathan Rauch's article Caring for Your Introvert in the Atlantic Monthly a few years back, I had an immediate recognition of what he described, about feeling drained by social interaction and about wanting to be alone whenever possible. I then went on to read books like Party of One by Anneli Rufus, Celebrating Time Alone by Lionel Fisher, and a nice little collection of quotes called The Wonders of Solitude.

I've been gaining a new perspective on the nature of my wanting to be alone lately, and have found that it's not really about wanting to avoid other people after all. I haven't yet formulated this into a concise theory or anything, but the gist of it is that the reason I want to avoid social interaction is that it activates my ego and forces me to play out reactions and patterns on the level of form identity.
Playing a person, reacting, participating in the acceptance/rejection game was becoming harder and harder for me to do, and I had started to find being with other people incredibly draining, up to a point where I would sometimes find it hard to even talk after a few hours of constant interaction. When I got the chance once in a while to spend a few days mostly by myself, I felt a sense of becoming more centered and more at ease, but as soon as I got into the world again I felt like I was being somehow scattered all over the place and constantly straining to keep up with the demands of responding to other people.

As I've been going through a process of awakening, a lessening of the ego/person and a corresponding lessening of pain and fear, I've found it much easier to be with other people. And that got me thinking about the possibility that interacting with other people wasn't the issue, that there was a possibility for me to feel as good with other people as I did when alone. When contemplating myself in social situations, there are some things that have helped me identify the source of the problem and which have made me realize that the issue lies entirely within me and not out there. That the source of the problem is my own identification with ego, and the realm of ego in general.
The painful part of being with other people was always the interaction, and feeling the demand for a reaction. So if I simply let go of the level of reaction all together, the pain went away with it. One particular area of human interaction that repelled me was male banter, the almost completely meaningless surface chit chat between men, a very ego heavy form of interaction.

Contemplating the possibility to simply stop speaking was one pointer that brought out the real source of the issue, and through it I found that I could respond to people without the reactive patterns having to be activated. The response then comes from a deeper place, and there is space between the demand for a response and then whatever response I give, if any. I'm then responding intuitively, bypassing the reactive patterns altogether.
Other pointers I've used is imagining myself as invisible or as not being there at all, asking the question "what would I do if it weren't for myself?" in a situation to see if I got a different perspective on it.

After having dealt with this issue for years and gone through a sort of trial and error process with it, I think that the differences between introversion and extroversion have mostly to do with the nature of the person's ego identification, and the level of tolerance for playing it out. As in my case, I start to feel uneasy and drained of energy very quickly when I start playing out ego patterns, when I've inflated my sense of self in some way or when I interact with other people on the level of ego.

Right now the challenge for me is to approach the world and other people on these new terms, on this deeper level, interacting with people in a way that's not necessarily going to be accepted by everybody. I recognize that if I go through with this fully, which I need to do of course, it might seem to others at times that I'm detached, or even that I'm ignoring them when I don't respond immediately to their demands for a reaction and so on. I've managed to personally offend more people than I care to remember with the simple act of turning off my cellphone, or leaving it at home when I go out for a walk. And when not participating in casual banter and small talk and simply not saying anything, people think that you must be judging them or rejecting them in some way. So I'm still not always able to let go completely of the reactive level, afraid that if don't react, other people will feel offended and rejected, and reject me in turn.

Now, this has been a bit of a ramble, a jumble of thoughts I'm not sure I can even string together in my own head, but I suspect many of you will recognize some of the issues I'm talking about. Regarding introversion and so on. And also this half baked theory of mine that introverts don't necessarily want to keep away from other people, but simply want to avoid having to participate in the realm of ego, which is definitely worth exploring some more methinks.

Thoughts?

11-05-2006, 07:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
helgi Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Iceland Posts: 121	Some thoughts on introversion When I read Jonathan Rauch's article Caring for Your Introvert in the Atlantic Monthly a few years back, I had an immediate recognition of what he described, about feeling drained by social interaction and about wanting to be alone whenever possible. I then went on to read books like Party of One by Anneli Rufus, Celebrating Time Alone by Lionel Fisher, and a nice little collection of quotes called The Wonders of Solitude. I've been gaining a new perspective on the nature of my wanting to be alone lately, and have found that it's not really about wanting to avoid other people after all. I haven't yet formulated this into a concise theory or anything, but the gist of it is that the reason I want to avoid social interaction is that it activates my ego and forces me to play out reactions and patterns on the level of form identity. Playing a person, reacting, participating in the acceptance/rejection game was becoming harder and harder for me to do, and I had started to find being with other people incredibly draining, up to a point where I would sometimes find it hard to even talk after a few hours of constant interaction. When I got the chance once in a while to spend a few days mostly by myself, I felt a sense of becoming more centered and more at ease, but as soon as I got into the world again I felt like I was being somehow scattered all over the place and constantly straining to keep up with the demands of responding to other people. As I've been going through a process of awakening, a lessening of the ego/person and a corresponding lessening of pain and fear, I've found it much easier to be with other people. And that got me thinking about the possibility that interacting with other people wasn't the issue, that there was a possibility for me to feel as good with other people as I did when alone. When contemplating myself in social situations, there are some things that have helped me identify the source of the problem and which have made me realize that the issue lies entirely within me and not out there. That the source of the problem is my own identification with ego, and the realm of ego in general. The painful part of being with other people was always the interaction, and feeling the demand for a reaction. So if I simply let go of the level of reaction all together, the pain went away with it. One particular area of human interaction that repelled me was male banter, the almost completely meaningless surface chit chat between men, a very ego heavy form of interaction. Contemplating the possibility to simply stop speaking was one pointer that brought out the real source of the issue, and through it I found that I could respond to people without the reactive patterns having to be activated. The response then comes from a deeper place, and there is space between the demand for a response and then whatever response I give, if any. I'm then responding intuitively, bypassing the reactive patterns altogether. Other pointers I've used is imagining myself as invisible or as not being there at all, asking the question "what would I do if it weren't for myself?" in a situation to see if I got a different perspective on it. After having dealt with this issue for years and gone through a sort of trial and error process with it, I think that the differences between introversion and extroversion have mostly to do with the nature of the person's ego identification, and the level of tolerance for playing it out. As in my case, I start to feel uneasy and drained of energy very quickly when I start playing out ego patterns, when I've inflated my sense of self in some way or when I interact with other people on the level of ego. Right now the challenge for me is to approach the world and other people on these new terms, on this deeper level, interacting with people in a way that's not necessarily going to be accepted by everybody. I recognize that if I go through with this fully, which I need to do of course, it might seem to others at times that I'm detached, or even that I'm ignoring them when I don't respond immediately to their demands for a reaction and so on. I've managed to personally offend more people than I care to remember with the simple act of turning off my cellphone, or leaving it at home when I go out for a walk. And when not participating in casual banter and small talk and simply not saying anything, people think that you must be judging them or rejecting them in some way. So I'm still not always able to let go completely of the reactive level, afraid that if don't react, other people will feel offended and rejected, and reject me in turn. Now, this has been a bit of a ramble, a jumble of thoughts I'm not sure I can even string together in my own head, but I suspect many of you will recognize some of the issues I'm talking about. Regarding introversion and so on. And also this half baked theory of mine that introverts don't necessarily want to keep away from other people, but simply want to avoid having to participate in the realm of ego, which is definitely worth exploring some more methinks. Thoughts?