[Jamie]

*mwhahaha*

Flip! I had the most amazing time again last night. It's utterly bizzare though, if you put me in a regular pub or club setting, I'd be so out of sorts, and feel uneasy and awkward with people (plus, I often don't drink if I'm out, so that kinda isn't the norm). If I'm in a salsa club, I'm a completely different person, even I don't know who I am; and it's such a blast. For one, I completely love dancing salsa; it's so fun, sensual, explosive, passionate, and there's a whole spectrum of feelings and texture to the movement between two people. Plus, it's like one gorgeous woman after another ...

It's really good for me, because I've never been so good with women, and it builds this abundance mentality thing, which is really spot on, the complete opposite of obsessing over one woman (which I have done in the past; not cool).

It all makes me realise how more and more I like women, how they move and flow, how they are, how they think and smile. It's just so weird though, how I'm so easy, smooth, fluid and natural, when I'm dancing, and then I feel so awkward and stunted when I'm just holding a conversation, I guess there's some fear there on my part; but when you dance, you don't have to say a word, it's all non verbal communication.

I dunno where this post is going ... but there were a few women last night who seemed quite in to me (am sure they were); and very often, the feeling is reciprocated. I wouldn't have minded just appearing with them, somewhere more secluded, alone, just the two of us, but I didn't press forward. I have to ask myself, why not? why do I resist? what am I afraid of?

A big part of it, I think, is me caring too much what other people think of me, or my reputation. Also, I have this notion that I should have just one girl, be monogomous; that's down to social conditioning I guess (not following your own inner nature). So, there's like an abundance of women, I'm attracted to, and I can feel it's a two way thing. Why should I choose one over another? I think it's a lot to do with being in touch with how you feel, what you want, and disregarding what society, or other people tell you is good.

Another thing that strikes me, is how much I like being single, and the freedom that gives me, to come and go and do as I please, to follow my own bliss in life (if I had even more money, that'd be such a blast, there's so many things I'd love to do, incl. Venice full marathon). That's what money is really, isn't it; party tokens!!

:P