What great responses are given! As I perceive the whole situation, the best suggestion is Angela's, about "weight". Cheech, your post is heavy and weighted, indeed. My very first inner response was just to skip it. But I walked in your shoes, so I decided to help. (BTW, I started to get first results in this area of life after 3 years of effort and "trial and error training", i.e. taking action).
So.... take it easy. And make it easy. Learn to have fun with girls (I'm talking about friendly conversations and some nice social activities).
And, please, quit drinking eventually. (I did!
) It destroys your neural system ...at least, makes it "too sensitive" so you take many "not pleasant" things too seriously and weighted. "Alcohol is depressant". (c) P.Bragg
I think, I'll give move practical and particular advice after I read your PM. I'm just about to do it.