For the first time in a long time, today I've been feeling... hopeless. And stuck. Those thoughts of, "Oh, I should just chuck it all! There's no hope!" have been around. I've been around long enough to know not to put energy there... but I find the timing interesting. Open up those long-suppressed feelings, and there ya go. I'm a *little* frightened of being left here, in this space of vulnerability, un-resolvedness, and fear. But I am, overall, trusting this process.
It's really, really hard for me to feel those feelings I felt as a child. And I feel like I've hit a wall, and Angela's asking "I am...." and I don't know how to fill in that blank. I believe I will, though, when the time is right. Angela and I will talk soon, and doing some of this out loud may get me to a different place.
|