When I got quiet, I could see (feel) myself, very young, lying alone on a bed. Feeling... unwanted. Angry.
It was before I learned to be quiet, to appease my mother. I used to cry, to no affect. Unless I cried too much, then she'd be angry. I don't know why my sister's not here with me - we're usually together, even nap time. I hurt. Not sure where. All over. It really hurts, but I'm not crying out loud, because I don't want Mamma to be angry. I can feel the injustice in my chest. This is NOT right. I'm swallowing the pain, since no one will fix it anyway. My pain doesn't matter, and it will make my mom impatient. I shouldn't feel pain.
I am unwanted. I don't matter.
I do my best to not matter, because that means I'm invisible. When I'm not invisible, I get hurt or yelled at.
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