[NightSpirit]

I don't know if I can help other than to say the same thing happened to me in the past; mine was after a serious car accident and some other losses in a row.

I didn't know what brought it on at the time but later I read it was part of post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. Basically, I had some of the same symptoms you have, pacing, afraid to go to sleep for waking up in fear, claustrophobia alternating with agoraphobia. Couldn't concentrate or control the fear of what was happening.

You are right the doctor didn't understand; no one could help me or really even seemed to care or so I thought.

I wasn't working then and I would suggest you don't stress yourself out about work right now, if you can afford it. Ask your parents if they can carry you financially for a little while to give you a little relief from the pressure you are feeling. Your health is the most important thing and you can make money and make it up to them later.

Medicine like ativan(?) can help but doctors avoid it because people sometimes take too much because of the emotional pain. From my experience, I already felt weird and out of control and I didn't want to take anything to make me feel more that way so I avoided the medicine. If you do get some medicine just take as little of it as you can to start and give it to someone to hold for you.

I don't think you are losing your mind. People who are usually don't know it or are unable to ask for help. But feeling like you are all alone and no one understands can make you think you are. I do understand.

At my worst my mom couldn't help, my son was scared of me, my husband had to work. The only person that could help was my uncle who heard about it and had the same thing happen to him once. He came to talk to me and just that he cared enough to do that helped. He had some attacks when he was trying to stop drinking. He said it was so bad for him, he called it "waking up and praying to the devil if that would have helped." (Don't do that. Okay?)

He gave me hope that it would pass and it did. He wasn't crazy and this had happened to him so I didn't feel so crazy then. Yours will pass too and you will feel normal again.

It may sound wrong but it kinda helped not to frustrate myself trying to explain it or talk about it except to people who would at least listen. My son was useless and just got irritated and made me worse, so he was out. You need a friend that will just be with you and care and knowing someone does
care helps.

If no one in your family can do this maybe you can find a pastor to listen. If you don't have one maybe a friend does. If not, try the phone directory or ask your mom to help you call someone. They usually don't charge and hopefully, you can find one that won't add to your pressure with deep theological discussions but just love you and listen.

If you have drug or alcohol issues, you can usually find someone to listen at AA or NA meetings. I haven't had any personal experience with this but I have tried the stuff and getting high and coming down can just add to the problem sometimes.

To distract your mind while it calms down a few things did help me.

1. I couldn't do much reading at the time but to have something to physically do helped. Simple stuff like laundry or dishes or cooking a light meal.
I decided that if I couldn't stop pacing I was going to do something with it, like straighten up. Doing that will take some of the fear away by distracting you from thinking over and over, what's happening to me.

2. Avoid anything dark or depressing on TV for a while. Even old shows can make you sad about the past. Protect yourself by deciding what goes in your mind while you get better.

3. Look around for little acts of love and know that people (and God) love you. Like I said, stop explaining and tell the most loving person you know, to please just love you now, that you need a little extra attention right now.

4. If you have any unresolved conflicts with anyone right now, try to put that aside to be dealt with later and stop any internal conversations of what you need to say to them if you have those.

Believe me, when I was in the height of it, I was hurting so bad that I was afraid to be left alone. I was waiting in the car and my husband brought me the slightest little gift with his hopes that it would make me feel better. I was feeling so hopeless and that little thing made me take a little step up because someone, anyone cared when I thought no one did.

And love yourself and start to trust that you can get through this. Millions and millions of people have anxiety issues, if not why the Lucinda Bassett commercials? Mine didn't last long enough for me to need it but something like that might help if you can find it, maybe at the library.

I don't understand all the factors or physical things that contribute to anxiety. Like I said, I am not a therapist. This will pass. I have had slighter attacks since then but now I look at them as something like a scary roller coaster ride that will soon be over. One day you will wake up and feel normal, but with just a little fear that it might come back. And it might but you fought it once and won and next time you will know what it is and know what helps you through it. You WILL learn how to love yourself and take care of yourself better because of this.

I'm Christian and I know not everyone is, but it might help to know Jesus faced something like this too, in the Garden of Gethsemane. He could not even find a friend to stay with Him for an hour; they all went to sleep. So he understands too, if no one else does. You can read it in Matt 28:36 to see if it helps you. And remember His mercy is new every morning. I'll be thinking about you.