[martin]

I have horrible OCD. It's "magical thinking". It's never-ending. It happens at the most random moment all the time especially when I'm under stress. It's my brain's way of tricking itself into believing that if I go up and down the stairs 3 times, everything will go great with a love interest. It's very hard resisting it because it's very subtle and I'm so used to obeying it. I also get scared that something will go wrong if I don't listen to it.

People think I'm crazy... I try to explain to them it's not a voice in my head telling me to do these things, it's simply a thought or a feeling. It's completely supersticious. It's just all the time and it's getting ridiculous. I've been on multiple different anxiety medications before I even had OCD and they were not very helpful with my anxiety in the long-run. I feel hopeless sometimes because I read somewhere that OCD can never be completely gone. It's always gonna be there, on some kind of level.

I think I'm such a control freak that this is my way of tricking myself into thinking I always have control over everything. It really is getting too ridiculous to the point where I can barely function. I have tons of bad luck and good luck supersticions such as numbers. In my head good numbers are these:
3
7
12
16
26

and the bad luck number is 13.

So Imagine looking at the clock and freaking out seeing the number 13 when you're about to go out on a date or something... very stressful.

My life revolves around these numbers. It's not just numbers though. Sometimes I'll just get the feeling to switch computer windows or something bad will happen. And I just realized that I always have 3 windows open on the computer... it's becoming something I do almost unconsciously. I'm 16, I should be living life not obsessing over numbers on the clock or how many times I have to flip the light switch off and on.

This is all the time... I'm really losing it I feel like.

Can someone please help me? Thanks.