Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauxa  please describe a night of mixing and mingling with a group of acquaintances and strangers?
What I usually do is walk into the room and head straight for the food/drinks because it seems the safest place. Once my hands are occupied, I scan the room and see people talking in groups of 2 or 3 or more. I look for the person I am most familiar with and if they are free I might go and say hello and talk for a minute or two. If there are tables set out, I look for an empty table and sit down. The whole time I am radiating extreme discomfort and anxiety. Meeting new people is a huge stressor.
If I have kids, the situation is compounded by trying to run after them. On the one hand, it keeps me from being totally alone, but on the other hand even if I do manage to get a nice conversation going I can be assured that it will be short-lived because I will have to break away to chase little ones.
Usually I stay more-or-less with the same person the whole time. Once I develop even a hint of rapport with one person, I find it extremely hard to break away and seek new relationships. Sometimes I do, but then I feel that I am being rude to the original person, and usually don't find other people to talk with and end up drifting around aimlessly the whole time.
I am trying to imagine doing better, but getting a little stuck since I have so little experience in this area. I can get as far as walking into the room, head held high and radiating confidence. People notice me and think "Who is that? I'd sure like to meet her." And then... nothing... my imagination is drawing a blank.
Maybe there is a scene in a movie that would be applicable for fleshing out my imagination? |
(drifting around aimlessly is ok, btw. great things can come from it.)
i like your approach to this problem for you. imagine doing better. keep at that. it'll start getting easier and easier.
what we have here is a confidence issue right?
i was terribly terribly riddled with this crippling shyness too.
one of the greatest tools i have ever learned to help combat this, i got from Paul McKenna's book, change your life in seven days, and i'll share it with you now. Paul... don't sue me for breach of copyright hehehe.
ok, you're already pretty much doing it. so there's a confidence boost for you already. hehe.
imagining yourself "doing better" (more at ease and more confident) is your goal right?
i think that'll be achieved when you feel better, when you feel more confident.
and here's the technique for more confidence.....
(and it does wonders for more than just confidence too by the way, it genuinely improves your competence in many areas of life)
remember a time when you felt confident. doesnt need to be among strangers. any time at all will work.
imagine it as vividly as possible. what you saw, your surroundings to help put yourself there again, the sensations, the smells, and so on.
really feel that confidence. focus on that feeling. really really get into what that feeling is like, and as you are feeling that feeling with loads of gusto, squeeze your index finger and thumb together. keep feeling those feelings intensely (and even intensifying if you can) for a few moments.
this is like you storing confidence in there.
confidence that when you need it, you can subtly squeeze your index and thumb together and release that needed confidence boost.
doing this recharge remembrance imagining thing a few times really strengthens the effect. and also, the more often you do it the better you get.
when i first tried it, my confidence level was so low i was riddled with self doubt when even doing this first step. "was i really confident then?" "am i doing this right?" "is this safe?" and so on, which is funny to look back on now. even the first few times in public when i needed the confidence boost, i was so lacking in confidence, so paralysed by social anxieties that i couldnt even put my fingers together for fear of someone spotting it and thinking i looked rediculous! hahahaha.
if you cant remember a time when you were confident, just keep at the imagining what it's like to be you, but the really confident outgoing version of you. you can take clues as to what that is like from your more confident friends, or famous people who's confidence you admire.
i dont recall Paul McKenna in his book explaining what i'm about to, but i think it's better to be informed than merely following instructions.
according to the basic chakra models, your sacral chakra is where you mainly get your confidence from. this is your water energy. sexual energy. imagination and creativity power. a lack of confidence, social anxiety, and inability to imagine better is usually related to an under powered sacral chakra. that's located just under your belly button. it also correlates to your index finger. hence how this works.
but dont worry, you're not going to need to be squeezing your fingers for the rest of your life.
i now have no confidence problems, and havnt squeezed my fingers together for over a couple years. ...and i've had years of completely debilitating anxiety.
oh, another point small point.... i'm not so certain about though....
where do you breath from?
put a hand on your chest and a hand on your belly, see if you are breathing mainly from the top or the bottom of your lungs.
or balanced.
if balanced, maybe its not anything to try to alter.
if you find your chest moves far more than your belly, try for perhaps just a few moments, breathing moving your belly instead. this gets the air deaper into your lungs, and can have a marked effect on anxiety in the moment.
ideally though, your breath should be whole (upper lower and sides), and more importantly, natural and unforced.
all the best.
OOH!
i almost forgot....
a couple words....
Namaste,
&
Inlakech
(Enlakesh, In La'Kech, or however u want to spell it in our alphabet).
Namaste, a sanskrit word, though i have heard many translations, the one i prefer reads,
"I reccognise the light of life in you and all beings".
Inlakech, a south american word, meaning pretty much "you are another myself".
both words in their respective cultures are like the every day greeting.
imagine how empowering that must be for your psyche if every day you are being reminded multiple times that we are all the one self experiencing itself subjectively. that ultimately we are all the same "me" underneath. how great is that to enable you to just be yourself. no facade, no mask necessary, because there's no one to hide from. a truly liberating concept to imbue your consciousness with.