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Originally Posted by Squid  Oh, and btw. I don't feel that infidelity or cheating should be tolerated at all. |
It's a funny word, "tolerate." I looked it up to see what you mean:
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1. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. to endure without repugnance; put up with: I can tolerate laziness, but not incompetence.
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The thing is, people are going to do what they are going to do. Will you not allow them to make their own choices without prohibition or hindrance? No? Well, they're going to do it anyway. People aren't going to necessarily going to adapt their behavior to your preferences just because you prohibit or hinder them. So definition #1 leaves you powerless, frustrated, and ineffective.
Or are you going to endure their behavior, only with repugnance? Or refuse to put up with it? Then you are left either repugnant or put-down.
And if you use it like an ultimatum: "I will not tolerate your having sex with another person. If you do, then I will leave you." .. that also puts the tolerator in a fix -- you must follow through or you are throwing away your integrity and your power in the relationship. You are the one who is stuck.
It seems to me that tolerating (or not) has everything to do with the tolerator and nothing to do with the toleratee. It's just a funny concept, like blame -- it just doesn't work in living a life I love.
On the other hand, if you were to have a standard for yourself, and your partner doesn't fit that standard, then it might work well for you to say, "I love you, Gregorio, but I must be in a monogamous relationship or none at all. I'm sorry you don't feel the same way, because in other ways it worked out well between us. Let's call it a day, and we can both look for partners with whom we're better matched. Good bye, big kiss, and good luck!"
But that's not intolerance -- that's acceptance.