Sleeping on it didn't really seem to help. I was able to quiet my mind and get to sleep fairly easily, but as soon as I woke up my mind just wanted to jump back on it. The biggest thing was thinking about the return ultimatum that I offered and whether I should have done that. Honestly, I don't think using ultimatums is a good strategy that is conducive to group harmony, but at the same time it chafes to think that he can get away with it and I cannot. What I would most prefer would be if we could all agree that hateful tirades and ultimatums are inappropriate and detrimental to the accomplishment of our mutual goals and he would apologize. Hahahaha HAHAHA! I'm not sure this guy could stand to ever be "wrong", or to apologize.
I hate being bullied, I hate being demeaned, I hate being told what to do. My dad was an authoritarian so I had some of that growing up. I have begun to realize recently that some of my patterns are still a rebellion against my dad. I adored my dad and we had a very close relationship, but I think I resented the amount of control he exercised over the family. I would throw HUGE fits as a teenager over being made to do minor chores and would spend the whole time fuming and stewing in my own anger and misery. To be able to do this thing after the way it was presented (you HAVE to do this OR ELSE) and to be able to be even slightly more present and less miserable was HUGE.
I think I am on the verge of a breakthrough. Why is it that challenges always have to be so challenging?
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~Lauxa~ |