Aspiring, I understand what you're saying, and I kind of got the idea that my words were being collapsed with someone else's.
One thing about being "naturally" monogamous or non-monogamous: I used to think it was important, even essential, that my partner and I be sexually faithful to each other -- it was not just a preference, it was a requirement, and it was the way things *should* be. And I've always known that I have huge desire for men other than my partners, and in some cases I have given myself "permission" to potentially or actually act on it. Even just the "potential" permission had tremendous impact on my ability to be present in the relationship, and let's not talk about the "actual."
In retrospect, I can see that I created a reality for myself in which I could not win -- the rules were set up in advance so that I couldn't win. I'm not totally sure, but anthropologically speaking, I strongly suspect that humans are not physiologically hard-wired to mate exclusively and for life. I strongly suspect that that is Nurture rather than Nature. A choice, in other words. I do think it's hard-wired to some extent for women to strongly desire security for themselves and their offspring, though, and we embrace monogamy as a means to that security -- even though it doesn't seem to work, does it?
And I don't think I could really grok that when I was in my 20s -- that's why I worried about coming across as condescending. When I was in the middle of it, it was harder for me to see. (Again, I'm just describing what it's like from a different perspective, not that it's better or worse. )
Tonight I am going to ask for a dream in which I can talk to my 28-year old self.
