[The Cloud]

Edit: Whoops, I forgot to read ahead! Seems you already have this all figured out. Oh well, I suppose I would prefer that my advice weren't needed.

I'm no expert, but my advice would be to not react to the anger with anger. If you allow your child's anger to induce your own, then your anger will induce your child's and there will be a feedback affect that makes it very hard to calm the situation down. Also, giving in to the demands of the anger will encourage it as well. Fight it or give in to it, and you will encourage it. If you make this a battle, then the anger has already won.

If you find yourself getting angry, you could take a deep breath and hold it for a count of 20. I always find that helps me feel more calm. Also, you could reflect on how you're allowing a 4-year old to dictate your emotions. Don't fight against her, because she's just 4 and really has no control over her emotions. There's no reason to get angry at her for something that she can't help. If you get angry, then there's no reason to blame yourself either, because your anger is as much a part of your environment as it is a part of you. Just look at your environment and look at yourself, and understand that you ARE angry, whether or not you "should" be. Once you can accept that you are angry, then you can go about looking at your reactions to that anger and considering whether or not you want to allow yourself to act in that way.