Averbisadverbera,
I agree with Alvin on this one. From your posts you're not looking for advice because you've rejected every single kind word and suggestion so far.
So on to tough love: You don't want to have a better life right now. You're enjoying the emotional payoff you have from being a "Poor Me".
Unfortunately there's nothing anyone of us can do for you until you decide you want to improve and are willing to try, fumble and keep going.
Until then, lots of love,
Colm
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