[impaul99]

There is an excellent DVD set out by Anthony Robbins on Relationships. It's like 6 DVD's I think and it explores this kind of stuff in detail.

It's really good because it's not all about "How to save a relationship." Meaning, he helps you to get to the point where you know how to make a decision.

I don't remember the exact scenario's but I think one guy in there has a wife and they are about to go through a divorce. Why? Because he wants to play in his band, and his wife is always on his case. However, she's fed up with him as well. At first this seems like the typical male wanting to hang out with his buddies instead of his wife, and he should just get real and stay home with his wife type of thing, but Tony is really good at getting to the core of the issue which isn't that at all.

What he discovers is that the reason the woman was attracted to him in the first place IS because he was a bit "dangerous" and played in a band etc. And what happened is as he started spending more time with her, he lost his "dangerous" side which made her less attracted to him but she would want to spend more time with him to make up for the loss in attraction, which led him to play less in the band (no time), and the spiral continued.

That was just one dynamic aspect of it. There were others and Tony goes through and shows people how to overcome that.

I would have to say it is probably the best material on DVD I've ever seen from Tony. He actually swears at people in there and isn't afraid to tell people how it is.

At the end of the day, some of the relationship stuff in there he teaches results in people saving their marriages, while others become super good friends but end up deciding to split up and meet other people.

The bottom line is that regardless whether THIS person is the man for you, I think you would benefit from learning relationship skills. Then, you can do what you can to save this relationship or have the tools to properly end it and get into a healthy relationship. Sometimes what we think is broken with our relationship isn't actually THAT THING at all.

For example, you say that you're not exactly "sexually compatible" and it's all about what he wants and you only end up having sex a couple times a year. Maybe there is an underlying problem that has nothing to do with sex here. Meaning, what if you leave this guy, get into a relationship with someone totally different and supposedly "sexually compatible" with you, and then 6 months later you find yourself in the exact same spot you are now! :|

I'm not a relationship expert or therapist, but I have been around personal development long enough to know that a lot of time surface problems have roots that stem from something totally different. For example, maybe he has absolutely no clue how to make you happy sexually so he clings onto the only thing he knows...which frustrates you. Maybe he's afraid of trying something different because early on in the relationship when he tried something else you laughed at him, or even just "giggled" which he interpreted as a laugh. There could be many reasons for it.

Maybe the issue is related to something TOTALLY different and totally unrelated to the bedroom. Like perhaps maybe he's using the "lack of sex" as a punishment for something else. Or maybe he's got a medical condition that he's not very proud of and afraid to talk to you about. Maybe he's totally scared of losing you to younger men with more virility. Who knows.

Bottom line is this. The only people that can make this relationship work is you and him. You can't control what he does, but you can control what you do. Therefore, the best thing to do would be to get good at "relationship stuff" yourself, work on your own issues, and start to communicate with the guy. If you "get your stuff together" and try to communicate with him to make it work and he shuts down and isn't interested, maybe it's time to move on. Bring it up. Tell him that you love him and want to make it work, but it seems like he's fighting you and you're afraid of the relationship falling apart if you don't address certain issues. If he just blatantly doesn't give a crap then you've got your answer. Find someone else who will want to work on a relationship with you.

Hope that helps from a male perspective.

One other thing I'd like to add. If you guys are fighting and the relationship isn't working, I wouldn't put a lot of weight on your perspective of how "compatible" you are. When you're mad at someone all you're going to see is how different and uncompatible you guys are. You'd be surprised how quickly all that can melt away if you fix the actual root of the problem. All of a sudden you find stuff you like doing together and the "uncompatibility" stuff disappears. His differences become an asset instead of a liability. On the converse, if you DON'T like someone, I don't care if they like to have sex exactly like you, play the exact same sports as you, want to do the exact same activites, and are totally "compatible" with you, they'll drive you nuts because you just don't like them (for whatever reason).

I wouldn't throw away a relationship because he likes to stay at home and play a video game, and you like to go out with your friends and socialize. The differences between men and women only become problems if there is no relationship to base them on in the first place. Something to think about.