Hey, Rockchick! I just noticed your photo on your profile, and you are absolutely gorgeous!
You know, I think the focus on self-esteem is one of the brilliant illusions we have created to distract ourselves from who we really are: infinite power, joy, and abundance -- so that we can expand back into who we really are.
What I mean is: Who You Are is the consciousness that is aware of your "individuality" (name, talents, preferences, etc.). Who You Are is Being. And Being is all of us -- we are one Being -- we're all in this together. The avatars named Shelly and Angela are expressions of Being that we use to play the Human Game, but they are not Who We Are. Everything we associate with who our avatars are (we like music, we are such and such height, we live here or there, we are American or Latvian) is a fun expression of the Being that is Who We Are, but it is not actually Who We Are. Like a musician's music is not who she is.
When you are able to really experience the oneness of Being, to let go of identification with "Shelly" or her things and preferences, you can see that the choices you make (like who to mate with, what kind of car you drive, what your career is) are not what make you valuable or beautiful. You don't have to do anything to be valuable or beautiful; you are essential simply because you are. Just like me, just like the guy you admire, just like the people you don't admire, just like everyone.
When you focus on "self-esteem", I think, you set yourself up to reinforce a belief that one avatar could possibly be more inherently valuable than the others, and you want the good one to be you! And when you compare relative value of human beings, you are playing a game that can't be won. There will always be someone who is "superior" to you, someone who will trigger feelings of lack or shame. Wouldn't it be wonderful to opt out of the self-esteem game entirely? And instead to practice recognizing that the reason you see beauty or value in others is because you yourself are that same beauty and value? You can't see it if you don't have it.
The more beauty and value you find in others, and recognize in yourself, the more connection you are generating -- and the more you dissipate the illusion that we are separate.
Your wonderful thoughts and choices and lessons could be seen as the game you are playing in life, as opposed to being Who You Are. In this game, you cannot lose. You would just be playing. A little kid lost in a game of let's-pretend doesn't worry about self-esteem, she doesn't worry about making the wrong choices in the game -- she's just playing. All of your choices in life are like that let's-pretend game -- they do have consequences, but consequences are just feedback, not problems.
That's a big part of the fun of the human game -- we get feedback, we correct course, and we keep playing. Of course, it's your game, so you can build self-esteem or relative value of avatars into your game, but can you imagine what would be possible in your life if you didn't believe the thought that you lack self-esteem?
I'm sorry I'm not talking about Tolle so much in my answer to you, but this is the kind of thing that really works for me in living a life I love, so I hope you don't mind my sharing it with you.