Thankyou, Schuchetana...
What a wonderful post, it made me cry.
The last few days have been awful, i am drinking to numb y pain, its awful. I think about him 24/7, its terrible. Its affecting my whole life, i am paralyzed.
I know he is seeing a TWENTY year old girl, within a month of me leaving the US, (we werent dating) he started seeign ehr...for obvious reasons i would think, she is young, no challenge, he gets what he wants from her...
bt i keep looking at his Myspace profile,and hers, and it kills me, its awful, i cant stop it....now he posts on her profile, and vice versa.
I sent him a long letter apologizing for my emotional behaviour,and sent him a gift , and he has not even had the courtesy to thank me.
i sent a follwo up email to ask if he had received it,and said i hope i havent destroyed any chance of hearign from hima gain....nothing, no reply. he cant even thank me, i am devastated.
I might add, i went on a 3 week vacation in october, to try and get over it (it made me worse), when on vacation, i saw her posts on his site and went nuts,sending him an emotional and suicidal email. no reply (how shameful, i know, i am so embarassed,hence the gift and letter apologizing) and when i returned home, he has mailed me a book. no note, just the book. it was Candide, by Voltaire. Essentially a love story,about 2 lovers who are seperated,and go thru many hardships,only to reunite in the end.It is also about optimism....i have no clue why he sent me anythign, let alone THAT book, it is all i have thought about for the last month, WHY would he send me that? WHY send me ANYTHING?
i am so confused adn emotional, i cant function anymore. i asked him in the email (the email asking if he had received my gift) why he sent the book.
so, the fact that he has not answered is KILLING me.
i have no idea if he is ignoring me, in the hope i will get the message and leave him alone, or if he is uncertain, and doesnt want to commit either way, so silence is best.
i cant email him, i am too afraid. he has not answered my email, or responded to the wonderful gifts i sent him....on top of all this, he is seeing this 20 eyar old.
i am so lost.....sorry if i have got off topic, but all i haev is this forum,and my alcohol
i am a mess.
i feel like i have no options.....i wish i knew what he was thinking.....why doesnt he jsut email me and tell me , if there is no hope? After all, in the email, i suggested that i thought the book was a sign of hope (for us)....but he has not refuted that...
ergh, i hate life.