Quote:
Originally Posted by Erinn  ivorytickler,
I think you're mistaking Angela's intentions. She's not saying don't get emotionally involved with another person. If I'm not mistaken myself, she is saying that you have total control over how that other person makes you feel. Even though what your husband did is terribly painful. You can still take that experience, learn from it, and choose to turn that pain into something of value to yourself. What he did hurts you, but it doesn't change the wonderful person that you are. Only you can make that change.
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I disagree with that. The only way I can maintain control over how others make me feel is to not let myself invest in the relationship. When we invest ourselves, we place ourselves at risk. I'll take that risk. I'm strong enough to get over it if something bad happens but I'm not going to be so concerned with maintaining control that I don't let myself love. To love is to take the risk of getting hurt and no you don't control what you feel when that happens if you have allowed yourself to love. You control moving on from there but they deliver the hurt and it's natural to feel it. It's natural to lick your wounds for a while. I'd say anyone who maintains control so that that no one else can make them feel anything has given up a lot for that control. I don't want that for my life.
I will take my chances. The rewards are worth the risk IMO. Sure I could control my emotions and never let anyone close enough to knock them off base but I don't want that life.
If my husband's affair didn't leave my feeling hurt, just how invested would I have been in my marriage? I disagree that I should manage my life so no one else can make me feel something. I totally disagree with that concept. When you trust and that trust is betrayed, feeling betrayed and hurt is natural. It is not natural to go skipping off and say "Oh well, didn't hurt me, I"M in control of what I feel". That to me is a person who was never invested in the first place and I don't care to live my life that way. If others hurt me because I trust and love, so beit. I will move on.
I don't agree and I don't want that life. If Angela does, that's her choice.