Top of the morning to you elliot! A lot of what you say reminds me of myself. In fact, I know that me and you are really a whole big processes which the human thought cannot even comprehend. As intelligent as we give ourselves credit for, our intelligence really is puny to the vastness available to you when you simply let go of yourself.
As simple as it sounds, simply let your experience life through the lens of miraculousness and gratitude. How do you do that? Give it a try. Be grateful for what there is. No need to try to be grateful, no need to think about being grateful - although it's definitely a pleasant and comforting thought. However, I think the solution is to give yourself time to step away from thought. As ironic as it may be to think in order to form sentences, sometimes we should simply let ourselves go.
Whether that means to recognize what you enjoy or simply go ahead and be the joy thats already present within you. It's naturally there, but sometimes the mechanical society which we perceive to sometimes live in really dashes you away. Don't let it. Stay centered. Where do you come from? Who knows, the source of nothing. Discover it. Stay centered in it.
Perhaps read the Tao Te Ching, it may help you discover the miraculousness inside every human being, echoed by many many spiritual healers throughout the eons. Your soul can never be lost, because it is not the false you, which you so clearly recognize as the ego. How do you recognize the ego? Depending on your meaning of the word, its your social mask, let yourself be vulnerable, let yourself be real, let yourself be whole. None of us are perfect. All of us understand where you have been, even if sometimes we don't show it and deject your loneliness with sheer crude shrewdness.
Give what you want, welcome people, present people, lovingly and curiously observe whats around you, while letting your thoughts be - if they run wild - let them. None of those thoughts can take away whats real and whats there for you now. They are simply words in a twig of associations, wrapped around your mind. Be your physician, be your healer, see how your associations lie - your body will help guide you through it. Don't fight it, don't fight the pain if you feel your body reacting negatively to a thought. Simply recognize that it's your greater intelligence giving you feedback on your state of mind. Don't believe this, try it out for yourself.
As all have said, let yourself be.  |