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Originally Posted by Averbisadverbera  I'm aware of this, but I don't know how to change it. The article doesn't offer much insight into that. Do you have any ideas? |
The main thing I would suggest is simply knowing that you
are valuable and projecting that when you meet new people; hold your head high, make direct eye contact, show in your personal appearance that you respect who you are, talk in positives and definately don't talk yourself down in front of others or to yourself.
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Originally Posted by Averbisadverbera My self esteem is dependant on external sources. If I'm happy I can feel good (and occasionally have a good interaction) but 90% of the time i'm completely depressed and suicidal. I've tried (clinical, ie antidepressants and illegal) drugs btw. The only thing i've found that can lift me is heavy drinking. |
I think if you can begin to look inside yourself for self esteem you will have much more success with being happy, and you'll increase the respect you have for yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself, write down a list of your good qualities no matter how small you may think some of them are (like "I make great pancakes"), stick them up somewhere you'll see them everyday, you must learn to like and respect yourself before others will do the same.
For the depression I highly recommend checking out
this thread which is a pretty in depth discussion of how to treat depression with and without drugs. Also have a chat with a doctor if you haven't already about alternative treatments and support groups, depression is a horrible horrible thing to have to go through (and I know first hand) but I can promise you there are ways to minimize it's impact in your life, and people out there who care about you and are more than happy to help you. This thread is a good example, none of us has even met you and yet we care about you and want to help you because we know life can be better for you, I'm sure many of us have even gone through some of what you're going through right now and we can promise you that with help and time things do get better. I looked up these numbers, I hope they help:
Samaritans
Helpline 1: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
Helpline 2: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
Samaritans > Confidential emotional support 24 hours a day Childline Online (for under 18's)
1800 66 66 66
Childline Online ... Listening to you Quote:
Originally Posted by Averbisadverbera Right now my hair is very long and unkempt, do you think I should do anything with it? I haven't cut it in ages. |
I think it depends entirely on what kinds of people you want to be friends with, going back to the chameleon thing again. What kind of hair cuts do most of the boys in your area or that you'd like to hang out with have? What kind of clothes do they wear? Does your appearance make it easy to break the ice with them or does it just make your life harder? I mean personal style and all that is great but it does come at a cost, being different always comes at a cost, and in your case that cost may be isolation which I don't think is a good thing.
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Originally Posted by Averbisadverbera Asking questions doesn't work. I fail at conversation so badly, asking the other person about their life doesn't work, even if im very interested. All I get is a robotic, disinterested answer. Also, the whole doing things for other people would probably work for a girl, but with a guy its going to seem needy and submissive, which I already appear as. |
Again I think this goes back to the appearance and self-respect issues, it sounds like these people are acting disinterested because they're not sure how to take you, they can't "fit" you into one of their mental models of what people are supposed to be like. Normally I'd advise against succumbing to peer pressure and trying to blend-in, but in your case it may be exactly what you need, these issues may in part be created simply because you look different to most people around you and you don't fit that mental model they're all subconsciously searching for.
No it's not your fault, but that doesn't mean you can't create the solution. But also realise that local friends aren't the be-all-and-end-all, you can make lots of friends online and a balance of both is probably a good thing. What's your main interest or the thing(s) you're really good at? I may know of some forums or sites where you could find other people interested in that thing and I can post the links here.