[quote=solsticefall;197527] Thank you for that well thought out post. I have emotionally distanced myself for protection. Having children is the best thing I have every done, but it is difficult. They do put a strain on the marriage. And, your friend is right, you have to put your spouse first, the children come next. They will learn their "place". It would be nice if he and I were team for eachother and for the family. I don't think he understands that concept. He is highly motivated and doesn't let grass grow under his feet, unless of course, it is something that needs to be done around the house. haha When I can get him talking, he seems to understand what I am saying. He tries to be thoughtful, positive, but I think he just gets back to his routine, a million things on his mind and forgets that he needs to consider the children and I. He always has an excuse.
The marriage building weekend away is a very good idea. You have to communicate EVERYTHING to grow together and stay on the same page - even the hardest things to say have to be discussed.
She definitely has self image, confidence, self-respect issues. Her weight could be a large part of it. I wonder why she is content with the weight? It must be serving a purpose. No one wants to be fat. That is sad. Graduating college is a great step to feeling accomplishment, but she doesn't understand that she is out of balance. That will bring her down. She is insecure and emotionally stuck somewhere back in time. That is why she seems immature. She does need your advice, hand-holding and approval.
I could see as you try to become the best man you can be, it would be hard to be with a heavy woman. It is not "normal" to be fat. She probably has emotional eating problems. Like Dr. Phil says, "You have to work at being fat." Her comfort zone and daily routine have become her safety net.
She is going to have a hard time getting her act together, (if she ever does.) It seems the big-name University isn't doing her any good. It seems that you are putting your past where it needs to be and not letting it dictate who you are or your future. You seem like a pretty well-rounded, confident guy who knows what he wants. It seems you want a well-adjusted, happy, motivated, mature, confident, capable woman. I am sure she is out there for you, just take your time.  |