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None of it has ever helped me, man. I try my best to put it into practice but I always fall flat because I care so much about what the other person thinks.
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Problem #1.
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My self esteem is dependant on external sources.
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Problem #2.
Potential Solutions #1:
I think this is a result of you only seeing two potential states: Completely alone or getting on fantastically well with everyone, regardless of circumstances. An important realisation I had a while back was that there are levels to everything, and nothing is strictly dichotomous. So right now you're a white belt at conversation, and you want to be a black belt, that's all you can see. But you've got to start small and start developing basic skills.
The benefit of this is there are loads of these skills so you can really improve.
When a person is really dependent on you for anything, it puts enormous pressure on you. When they psychologically lean, are needy, your instinctive reaction is to pull away. So by being less dependent on their responses to you you'll help them relax.
Looking at it from another way, a lot of people simply can't take praise or affection very well. They might wonder why you want to talk to them so much, since you haven't qualified them as anything special to you.
Potential Solutions to #2:
Tragically, people make their confidence and self esteem dependent on external factors. Which means all that confidence is is an emotional payoff, not a driving factor in their life. When everything is going great, they feel fantastic, but you don't really need confidence then, do you? When things go bad, their confidence goes (since it was attached to the external circumstances) and now when they most need it they feel the least confident. It sucks, but it's generally the way we're taught about confidence.
In essense, most people are effects, not causes.
You're looking to feel worthy and get validated by people. Ironically, to be recognised as worthy and be validated by people you need to do this yourself.
Simple affirmations to use:
"I feel validated."
"I feel valuable."
Overall I get the impression you never stick at anything for very long. You try something a few times and if it doesn't work, you dismiss it completely. What you need to do is stick with things for longer than a week or whatever. If you can't completely stick with something, see if you can break it down into an easier part and work on that.
Also, let's look at your interactions and how you view them. A brief interaction is better than no interaction isn't it? Be thankful for that. Some success, no matter how small, is better than no success, isn't it?
And finally,
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Right now my hair is very long and unkempt, do you think I should do anything with it? I haven't cut it in ages.
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if you hair style is a result of not taking care of yourself (read: not respecting yourself) then start doing the little external things for you because you respect yourself. If your hair is long because of a grunge thing, then it's fine - it's part of a subculture.
Colm