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belugagirl · 12-06-2006, 05:07 AM

(Continued from previous post)

If your mood is better, you will feel more positively about your looks. Remember, as Aiox has pointed out, that you--we all-- have been brainwashed by media, which is everywhere in our culture--to have certain attitudes toward physical appearance. It's not just that this media immersion teaches us to put so much emphasis on it, but also that it actually skews our concept of "normal" and may be very inaccurate about what real people really find attractive. For example, if I pick up your run-of-the-mill "hot guys" calendar, what do you think those men will look like? Buff beefcakes with greased-up, muscular bodies attached to faces with serious-looking set lips and intensely-staring-into-the-camera, "dreamy" eyes. Do I know any women who are actually turned on by, or attracted to, this physical type? No. What am I, and the women I know, attracted to? A genuine, spontaneous smile. A laugh. Sincerity. KINDNESS. Underline that last one three or four times! Add to it courtesy. These are things you can certainly achieve. (The tendency to smile spontaneously may take a while, given your current state, but it will come.) Sure, there are "bonus" qualities like sense of humor, intelligence, talent, and even particular kinds of looks, but they are not necessary for attraction, and certainly not necessary for love. You can absolutely develop these bonus qualities eventually, but for now, focus on getting yourself out of the deep rut that you're in. Then you will feel more confident about developing your best talents and qualities.

I felt UGLY for much of my teenage years and well into adulthood. I don't anymore. I'm no raving beauty, and I know it. But I'm told--and now I believe it--that my smile lights up a room. When I'm happy, I look my best. I've seen the evidence in pictures. I'm not very photogenic, but catch me with a camera in a moment of happiness, and I look pretty nice. After worrying for years that I would never be really loved--and after being dumped several times seemed to indicate that this pattern would continue--I am now happily married to my best friend. He thinks I'm gorgeous. My husband is short, has a paunch and love-handles, and has a substantial balding spot . . . and I think he is both adorable and sexy. This goes to show that even physical attractiveness is not dependent on what magazines and movies tell us we should look like. Resist that media message. It is no doubt part of what makes you critical of your physical self, and it is a complete fabrication.

At 16, I hated myself, hated my body, hated my face, hated my life. I even had suicidal thoughts over a period of time. I just wanted "that" feeling to GO AWAY. Now, I still have my moody times, but they are short, passing. My default state is happiness. What got me here? A combination of things, including all of the above. Please try these things, or at least some of them. My path will not be your path, but some of these things may very well be part of your process. Be open to other possible helps, too. Piece them together in your own way, and keep at it.

I hope you will feel some substantial relief soon, and that you will continue to feel better and better as you work and explore. My best wishes go out to you! Good luck!

12-06-2006, 05:07 AM	#27 (permalink)
belugagirl Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 59	Part 2 (Continued from previous post) If your mood is better, you will feel more positively about your looks. Remember, as Aiox has pointed out, that you--we all-- have been brainwashed by media, which is everywhere in our culture--to have certain attitudes toward physical appearance. It's not just that this media immersion teaches us to put so much emphasis on it, but also that it actually skews our concept of "normal" and may be very inaccurate about what real people really find attractive. For example, if I pick up your run-of-the-mill "hot guys" calendar, what do you think those men will look like? Buff beefcakes with greased-up, muscular bodies attached to faces with serious-looking set lips and intensely-staring-into-the-camera, "dreamy" eyes. Do I know any women who are actually turned on by, or attracted to, this physical type? No. What am I, and the women I know, attracted to? A genuine, spontaneous smile. A laugh. Sincerity. KINDNESS. Underline that last one three or four times! Add to it courtesy. These are things you can certainly achieve. (The tendency to smile spontaneously may take a while, given your current state, but it will come.) Sure, there are "bonus" qualities like sense of humor, intelligence, talent, and even particular kinds of looks, but they are not necessary for attraction, and certainly not necessary for love. You can absolutely develop these bonus qualities eventually, but for now, focus on getting yourself out of the deep rut that you're in. Then you will feel more confident about developing your best talents and qualities. I felt UGLY for much of my teenage years and well into adulthood. I don't anymore. I'm no raving beauty, and I know it. But I'm told--and now I believe it--that my smile lights up a room. When I'm happy, I look my best. I've seen the evidence in pictures. I'm not very photogenic, but catch me with a camera in a moment of happiness, and I look pretty nice. After worrying for years that I would never be really loved--and after being dumped several times seemed to indicate that this pattern would continue--I am now happily married to my best friend. He thinks I'm gorgeous. My husband is short, has a paunch and love-handles, and has a substantial balding spot . . . and I think he is both adorable and sexy. This goes to show that even physical attractiveness is not dependent on what magazines and movies tell us we should look like. Resist that media message. It is no doubt part of what makes you critical of your physical self, and it is a complete fabrication. At 16, I hated myself, hated my body, hated my face, hated my life. I even had suicidal thoughts over a period of time. I just wanted "that" feeling to GO AWAY. Now, I still have my moody times, but they are short, passing. My default state is happiness. What got me here? A combination of things, including all of the above. Please try these things, or at least some of them. My path will not be your path, but some of these things may very well be part of your process. Be open to other possible helps, too. Piece them together in your own way, and keep at it. I hope you will feel some substantial relief soon, and that you will continue to feel better and better as you work and explore. My best wishes go out to you! Good luck!