I remember when I first went to college and there was this guy I knew from high school and he was "in love" with me but I wasn't that into him so I broke it off. We had been chatting in a public forum and after I broke up with him he kept going there and then started talking dirty to this other girl on the forum and so I got a new ID on the forum so I could spy on him and it just made me feel terrible and it was so painful but I couldn't stop.
I was so unhappy and I wanted to go back to him, but I didn't and eventually met other people and then found Mr. Right. Just know that a relationship should not be so painful, when you find the right person you should feel like you are floating on air, not walking on nails.
Maybe you could try reading Erin's article on
"How to Attract the Relationship of Your Dreams".