Cylon,
I wanted to repeat something torilink shared in another thread in case you didn't see. Your only job is to focus on your desire (from the science of getting rich). Torilink provided a great explanation of desire vs. want.
Quote:
Desiring is that which arises around experience - I smell chocolate and desire to taste it, or I see a beautiful flower and desire to look at & smell it, or I feel the sun shine on my face and desire to sit there and take it in and experience it.
wanting is like, I'm stuck inside and see others outside in the sun and I long to not be where I am.... I smell a piece of chocolate and desire to taste it yet I resist tasting and that eventually turns into wanting what I won't allow myself to have, or I see a flower but am not content to experience it as it is - I want to pick it and own it and put it in a vase of water....
I may want a new car because I don't have a car - the lack of a car creates a wanting for a car - or I could desire a new car because I'd enjoy the experience of driving a new car, want & desire come from a different place wanting is a focus on what we don't have and try to fill what we perceive as an empty space with something... desire is more of an urging to experience what is or what we can imagine being.
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The title of this thread is "Want my own place, don't see the how".... Forget the how, and focus on the desire to make your experience better by having the apartment you desire, not the apartment you want... It's a feeling... Find the feeling...