Thank you, Dharma. You have been so helpful to me.
The meeting with my professor went well. It was difficult, but I did my best to view the whole thing from a subjective reality viewpoint. Apparently this mindset is still not well enough integrated into my being. I also did a crash course in Paraliminals yesterday trying to ingrain the new belief that I am not generally guilty and reduce anxiety.
We did in fact reach a new level of our relationship and connected for the first time as human beings outside of our student/teacher roles. This way I was able to tell her I need to be free to express myself without her threatening to throw me out of the class. I also didn't apologize for what I said in my email, simply because I am not sorry.
We did agree that I will perform next week in the concert, because her argument that my ego seems to have gotten in the way of the art is correct.
I still can't believe the whole thing, and feel somewhat anxious about it. Still, it is the right way, I know.
Wah.
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