Dan, when you say there's a correct answer, I think you mean there's a correct answer for you, yes? Since harmony is not a commodity, there's going to be a different answer for each person in the equation, and one thing I've learned lately is that for some people the answer is that they are not interested in harmony. It's not one of their values. You could try to sell harmony, like you sell internet connection, maybe that's part of your answer. But as you know, not everyone's going to buy what you have to sell.
This thread reminded me of one of Steve's articles:
subjective-reality-and-nonviolence/, which, when it came out, I wasn't interested in subjective reality. Going back and re-reading it from my new, beyond-100%-reality-perspective, it makes a lot of sense, and I wonder what you would make of it now, under your circumstances.
The eggshell thing is not that I'm worried about you being personal, by the way. It's that I hate to disrupt the harmony!
youngest child syndrome and all that.