I just wanted to check in and say that I have been doing pretty well the last couple of days. Thanks to all who recommended Tolle's books, I have been enjoying New Earth immensely.
My daughter seems to go out of her way to try and push my buttons and get a rise out of me. I remember doing the same to my parents. I am still looking for parenting techniques that can win me her cooperation. But now I am working much harder on letting go of the anger and resentment that her misbehavior was causing within me. I would feel so frustrated and helpless in the face of her behavior and think this was justification for anger and resentment, but now I can see that attaching those emotions to the situation do not help me gain any more control, in fact I am controlling less because I am not even controlling my own response to the situation.
For instance, she was refusing to go to bed last night and disrupting the bedtime routine for her little sister (they share a room). While I tried to read a book for sister, she began making "presents" for us and interjected them to interrupt the story. I told her we could look at presents in the morning. Then she grabbed a pony and starting bouncing it all over my body while saying "boing... boing... boing..." I took the pony away and she used a pencil. She tickled me. She kicked the ladder of her bunk bed to make loud noises. She climbed to the second level and started throwing stuffed animals at me, sticking out her tongue after every toss.
I just had to let go of the idea that my anger could in any way control her behavior or contribute anything positive to the situation. But I still feel this guilt because there is an idea that parents should be able to control their children and that if children misbehave the parents are to blame. Maybe that is where the fear stems from that is causing the anger towards my daughter.
__________________
~Lauxa~
|