You are
the music and the art itself so, well, that's trifle, but in the back of your head, still know it's all about you.
Ok, were going to work with some reflection now, take what you said here and make it all about you:
Quote:
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She said she is shocked by what I said of my professors. And we have to have a meeting this Tuesday. She told me my wanting to spread my wings is a good thing, but that it has to come from a more realistic perception.
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Like this:
I said I am shocked by what I said about myself. ... I told me my wanting to spread my wings is a good thing, but that I have to come from a more realistic perception.
So I'm telling me I'm having a reaction to what I said (I could not fully receive the expression I made: "dusty old professors...") so I'm feeling guilty inside (and not letting myself feel that), and I approve of my expansion, and I'm telling me I have to be more grounded and in the moment with how I feel.
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Your professor is a reflection of you and trying to change the reflection is like putting a lipstick smile on a mirror and saying you're happy. The change has to come from within and then the outer reflection will change.
Because your professor was "shocked" I'd say you're feeling some guilt about calling your profs dusty old thingamajigs. On your meeting on Tuesday, express that to her. Tell her you are angry as hell about their judgements AND you feel guilty about not respecting them.
Tell her you
are working on your personal growth and you need her to support you. Tell her things might be a little weird for a while but you need a person in the school to express whatever it is you need to express. Angry words that are not expressed will quickly compress the joy right out of you.
Problems will come if you say something negative and she tries to make it mean something. Remind her and yourself that you're just expressing what is inside and it can be totally in denial of reality, but it's being expressed, which is 10x better than holding it in.
On Tuesday do a reality check with your prof if you feel the need:
"I know I said some mean things in that message, do you dislike me for saying those things about my instructors?" This would be good if she's not upfront with how she feels. If she's mad at you, just say ok, don't fight the mirror.
From me:
I want you to reconsider singing in next week's concert. If you sing, 'they' don't win and you don't lose. Singing is your love.