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Originally Posted by Lauxa  It's hard for me to even admit that I have a problem with anger, but I do... and now my 4-year-old daughter is starting to mirror it back at me. She throws violent temper tantrums and gets very angry and aggressive if things do not go her way, and what I see is myself. If that isn't incentive enough to change then nothing is.
In some ways I feel I have made so much progress... depression and suicidal thoughts are not as big an issue as they once were... I have exciting goals that I am moving towards... I have more gratitude in my life... my house is cleaner (I was a total slob)... I have more friends... but today I was reminded of how much work there still is to do and the consequences of not getting it done.
So here I am, reaching out to this great community for some help. Advice, strategies, recommendations for books, podcasts, music, videos, supportive words, prayers... I'll take anything.  |
I have a few kids and have been in different stages of my life with each of them. It hurt when I saw their action as ugly and it was something I had done out of frustration. I have changed much since then and my relationship with my kids has improved greatly.
Keep in mind that children are very keen to emotions that parents think they are good at hiding. A child will sense frustration and anger and pick up more on the feelings than the actual actions of the parents.
This may sound a little off, but my relationship with them did not change until I made sure I was doing things that made me happy. I stopped trying to manipulate them when I wanted them to behave, I simply gave them the choice. I did things for myself and in turn did things with them because I wanted to do it.
They were no longer someone I had to "deal with today".
Do not beat yourself up about your actions in the past, you are not defined by that person. You define yourself every moment of every day and be the person you want to be with your child.
Anger usually stems from some fear...
I remember I would go off on my kids because they were taking too long cleaning their room. I would say things like "If you cared about me you would do this faster so you could spend time with me!"
What a dumb angry manipulative statement... Doesn't even make sense, I was angry and frustrated with my life and I was blaming everyone else for it. At some point because I was frustrated with myself, I took it out on them.
Work on self love, teach your daughter by example what it feels like to love yourself... And smile a lot, if she throws a tantrum don't get mad just tell her she needs to go somewhere else to do that. Also praise her constantly and let her know how wonderful she is, just focus on all the positive in her and that will bring out more positive...
Just love her with no expectations on her behavior and just be grateful for her smile and her love and inspire her by telling her how wonderful you think she is.
Just throwing it out there, it worked for me, I was patient and we all benefit from the change in awareness at my house. Although I'm convinced my kids may think I have lost my mind, but it's ok... I would rather be seen as eccentric than angry anyday.
I have 4 girls and a baby boy ages range 15, 14, 12, 7, 2. hhhmmmm... maybe I am insane
