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Originally Posted by bluestar  So basically, I flunked out, right? Got too scared of it all and ran away. I do feel it is all waiting for me to be 100% ready perhaps? There was nothing to prepare me for all this. I came from a 'normal' down-to-earth background, where people ridiculed the Unseen. Maybe it was conditioning got in the way? Don't know. But the heavy strain of that training was really scaring me and pulling me apart. That's what it felt like. It felt so dark at times I wondered if there was some Black Magic going on, that I'd been drawn into co-operating with. In some ways I became so very strong. In some ways I thought it would really kill me. But I couldn't understand because even though all that darkness was being thrown at me (I'd never experienced anything like this before) her love was always there as well. It freaked me out. |
LOL... No... You didn't "flunk out." You panicked. Guess what... You're HUMAN! We freak out occasionally over stuff we don't get. Trust me, it's no big. Your Benefactor does not judge. She is waiting right where you left her ready to continue where you left off or even take a step back or two.
Like all things, it's your choice. You can continue to deny the experience and the teachings you received and in the end you'll forget about it or convince yourself that it was "all in your head". There's nothing wrong with that. OR You can accept that you've been instructed to do something unusual with your life and talents, embrace it and be a different person. Nothing wrong with that either.
You will do what you need to do. You will accomplish what you need to accomplish. The only question is how long will it take you? A few years or a few lifetimes?