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Angela · 05-20-2008, 03:42 PM

Hi, Patty, and welcome.

Have you seen the book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions? It addresses concerns like yours, parent about their kids. Also, Byron Katie's books you might find very helpful in examining what's so.

What do you want for your son, if not for him to make his own choices? If he's not ready for college, would you like him to stay home with you until he is ready? Let's face it, he's effectively an adult. You've done a great job at raising him, and now that he's raised, it's time for him to start making his own choices and learning his own adult lessons, don't you think? If you don't agree, how long are you going to keep making his choices for him? How much do you think he'll learn, how do you think he'll see what there is to see, if you don't generate trust and freedom for him, and instead continue to generate "he is deluded and a f*** up"? Believe me, he can feel you generating that.

If I were you, I'd give him a care package of books on organization, motivation, clarity, and fun, including Steve Pavlina's article Do it Now, tell him you are going to practice letting go of your negative habitual thought pattern, and let him know he can come to you and your husband if he'd like help or guidance. Then wave goodbye and go out and learn how to scuba dive!

Pretend* like the fear you are feeling is really concern about you, not him. Imagine that what you're fretting about is really 100% you -- that it's YOU who is disorganized, deluded, and in denial. Look closely: you can find something in yourself about which that is true. Then act on it in yourself. Take steps to improve yourself in that area -- do something you're afraid to do. Be the change you want to see in your son. He'll be inspired, you will have grown, your husband will relax. Everybody wins!

Best wishes!

*that was a joke. Did you get it?

05-20-2008, 03:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Angela Legendary Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 11,456	Hi, Patty, and welcome. Have you seen the book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions? It addresses concerns like yours, parent about their kids. Also, Byron Katie's books you might find very helpful in examining what's so. What do you want for your son, if not for him to make his own choices? If he's not ready for college, would you like him to stay home with you until he is ready? Let's face it, he's effectively an adult. You've done a great job at raising him, and now that he's raised, it's time for him to start making his own choices and learning his own adult lessons, don't you think? If you don't agree, how long are you going to keep making his choices for him? How much do you think he'll learn, how do you think he'll see what there is to see, if you don't generate trust and freedom for him, and instead continue to generate "he is deluded and a f*** up"? Believe me, he can feel you generating that. If I were you, I'd give him a care package of books on organization, motivation, clarity, and fun, including Steve Pavlina's article Do it Now, tell him you are going to practice letting go of your negative habitual thought pattern, and let him know he can come to you and your husband if he'd like help or guidance. Then wave goodbye and go out and learn how to scuba dive! Pretend* like the fear you are feeling is really concern about you, not him. Imagine that what you're fretting about is really 100% you -- that it's YOU who is disorganized, deluded, and in denial. Look closely: you can find something in yourself about which that is true. Then act on it in yourself. Take steps to improve yourself in that area -- do something you're afraid to do. Be the change you want to see in your son. He'll be inspired, you will have grown, your husband will relax. Everybody wins! Best wishes! *that was a joke. Did you get it?