[Brutha]

So is it the ideal about realtionships or relationships? Valuing an ideal about relationships still values an ideal over the relationship.

I think you can't value something without having values or ideals.
If you don't know what I good relationship looks like, how can you have a good relationship?

Maybe you still don't think that any sane person could think that killing his daughter is in the interest of his daughter.

Emilia Galotti is a drama by Gotthold Ephraim Lessing from 1772 and is in the western canon.
It ends with Emilia convincing per father after a long discussion to honor kill her. The drama is understood as being critical about those civic values.

In christian tradition suicide means that you go to hell. Emilia finds herself in a situation in which she doesn't want to life anymore to protect herself from shame.
Honor killing her gives her the opportunity to leave life without suicide and the moral burden of suicide that might mean that she go to hell.
On the other hand it leaves the moral burden on her father. Killing another person, especially your daughter is a heave moral burden.

Suicide probably has similar associations in Islam.
In the west a lot has changed in the last 250 years. You can't expect the same changes to have occured in some traditional muslim communities. I also don't think that it is a coincidence that those communities put a lot more emphasis on family relations than we do in the west today.

Steve gave the example of mafia clans that are dominated by family loyality.

I think that the honor killing is a similar example where putting to much value on blood relationships produces bad action.

In the last sentence did you leave a word out? Use of the word "but" suggests you meant "It would *not* be my value to protect my wife" etc.

You are right. I mean't *not*.

In the military, at least according to my dad, it is the sense of loyalty to your buddies that causes you to do this, this would seem like a valuing relationship issue.

I was never inside the military myself.
People could also throw themself into a grenade to be heroic.

In general the military is a place where blind obedience is needed. Part of that obedience may be to throw oneself into a grenade.
I think in most situations in real life, blind obedience is not manly.

In the grenade example I also don't know exactly what the competing motivation to loyality could be.
Not throwing yourself into a grenade may find no good justification that is based on any idealistic value and not on selfish reasons.
When you want to see what someones top priority you have to set up a situation where value A would result in Action B and value C in action D.
If you do B you value A over C.

I might value loyality over my own well being but still value truth and justice much higher than loyality.