Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorph  But what if someone does not seek because they are sure there is no other way: like " you are the way you are born, and there is nothing you can do about it" ? There are people who literally told me this. And they are not alway s happy about it. |
Yes, that is something I have grappled with! (right, {aspiring}?) It can be frustrating to hear people complaining about feeling powerless or ineffective or depressed, and at the same time they are resigned and convinced that this is just how things are -- this is reality.
There is a fellow whom I totally love who was so intensely interested in finding the woman of his life, but at the same time was 100% sure about his negative beliefs about women. He had one foot on the gas and the other on the brake and he wondered why he wasn't going anywhere. How I wanted to convince him that his beliefs were a matter of his own choice! How I wanted to free him of his limiting beliefs, so that he could have what he said he wanted: a wonderful, loving, long-term, mutually beneficial relationship! I love this guy, and so deeply want him to have what he wants, that I suffered a little -- my own old pain ("I am second rate") got activated when I found myself unable to "help" him. There have been other incidents, too, in which I have been committed to "helping" but something didn't feel quite free, loving, joyful or connected about the communication.
And it finally (!) got through my thick skull that I was "For Your Own Good"ing all over the place. I had it that my awareness was superior, that people *should* get what I'm saying about taking 100% responsibility for living a life you love* and most importantly: I heard people talking about
what they want without really listening to
what they were committed to.
What people say they want often sounds very simple, but what they are committed to is often so much more complex, personal, and unknowable to you. People are ready for what they are ready for, and that's perfectly perfect. It's not my job to change anyone's readiness, or to impart my way of thinking on them, to run them, make their choices, or make them happy. Not even the people I'm closest to. That's their job. My job is to generate freedom, connection, and joy. For me, that means Acceptance and Surrender. There's no need to fix anybody, because nobody's broken. Everybody is exactly where they should be, because that's where they are. For me to want them to be somewhere else is arguing with reality, and is a source of No Freedom. No Freedom = no connection, no joy, no love.
It's hard, yes? Because you want to make a difference in people's lives, but people will make their own choices, just as you will. I think you are committed to being a person who makes a difference, and also to being someone who grants people the freedom to be exactly who they are and exactly who they are not, though that may be a little more difficult!
*I have since adopted a way of being of Way Beyond 100% Responsibility; at the time I thought 100% was as high as you could get! My awareness was limited.