[metamorph]

Thank you, everyone for your replies. I will try to reply to all at once.

I do love them and I am grateful and they know it well. We are close! They are as near as perfect as parents as you can be if I compare it with many other friends. I am aware of their influence now, and yes I can mute it out, but sometimes it can be tiring: e.g. when we are at a family meeting, and all my mother can say is that I should not eat this or that from the buffett, because it may contain this or that, or that I should not wear this,because I am too old for it etc... Yes, I can mute it out, but I would much prefer to help her stop this dominant "tape" in her head so we can share more important things really.

To Angela: I do believe that they were influenced in the examples I gave by the opinions of other people. Did they really make a "conscious" choice? Did they really say to themselves "This is someone's opinion, I still do what I believe in". I do not think so. I think they had and still have an excessive sensitivity to public opinion, approval seeking and some degree of lack of self esteem. So I think in the examples above they made only an "unconscious" decision. They were led not by their values, but by the ones of others. As I said in the last post I have many similar examples of my own past: From the moment my music teacher told me I could not sing and put me in the last row when I was 8 years old, I never ever opened my mouth in church again. So I did not make a conscious choice. I was led like a puppet by someone elses diapproval. Today, I would not give a toss if somebody told me me I could not sing.

So, truly the most important thing I ever learned was to march to the beat of my own drums and critically and consciously assess external input before letting it influence you. Angela, it was only in the last 5 five years that I even became aware of all the subconscious influences you are exposed to every day. I did make decisions back then, but not aware decisions. Does this make sense? So in the cases of my parents, I do think my father did not have the awareness to make a "conscious" decision. Maybe his photo shows were also in some way approval seeking and when he did not get it, but was criticised, the bubble burst.

To all:
So discussing this with my parents is to really give them this awareness. I so much wish someone had told me 10 or 20 years ago, to select your input carefully and to yes, march to your own drums. And to the other posters the question is: So is personal develpment really only something personal ? Should you keep it for yourself and leave others in their "blissful (or not) ignorance". Is it really only self-help or do you have an obligation (or at least the right) to also help others, esp the ones closest to you?