 Be grateful anyway
Everyone has issues with how they were raised, including me.
Several years ago (long before I launched this website), I sent my parents a thank you letter for all the things I thought they did right, such as providing me with a solid education, setting high standards, making sure I kept my room clean, etc. I explained how the decisions and actions they made when I was a child had a positive effect on me as an adult. For example, I told them I was glad they helped me be neat as a child, since that habit served me well as an adult. I congratulated them for doing a good job as parents and that even though I had some serious challenges in life, I felt I turned out pretty well.
My mother was especially touched and said it was the best gift I ever gave her.
Did my parents do a perfect job? Of course not. From my perspective they made a lot of mistakes. There were a lot of things about my childhood that made me unhappy or angry. For example, while my parents took care of our physical needs very well, they were very lacking WRT emotional needs. The words "I love you" were really never spoken in our home. We always had plenty of food and financial stability, but I can't say I felt loved growing up. Consequently, I had to spend years working through those issues as an adult. Early in my relationship with Erin, I had to confess to her that I didn't know how to love or be loved. Those were alien concepts to me. Fortunately she was just the right person to teach me.
You can focus on what your parents did wrong and disempower yourself, or you can focus on what they did right and feel grateful. If you choose the latter approach, your feelings of gratitude will help you deal with the remaining issues without succumbing to blame.
It doesn't matter whether you think your parents deserve such gratitude. What matters is how gratitude empowers you to outgrow the limitations of your upbringing.
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