Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - confronting parents about their "mistakes"??

metamorph · 05-13-2008, 09:03 PM

Thank you Angela

Still, I am not sure if you understand why I want to discuss these things with them. I see that I have very many traits in common with my parents and for a long time I thought that's just it. As in: you are born with it and you cannot do anything about it. But in the last 5 years with introversion, observing myself and others, seeing what makes people tick and what makes them react the way they do, I realised that very much is "conditioned" or trained. Also, I read literally hundreds of books. Subsequently I tried (and I am still trying) to untrain myself from negative conditioning that ruined my self esteem and shaped me in many other ways (social phobias). Back to my parents: I more and more realise that they have very many fears and limiting beliefs in common with me (or how I used to be). So one reason for speaking to them is to make them aware where all these beliefs come from. For instance: one of the big regrets of my mother is that she never took up the career she wanted until it was too late. When I asked her why, she said it was because of her maths teacher. I thought this was awful, since her whole career dream got destroyed by whatever some teacher had told her about the job or about herself. My fathes gae up a 30 year long passion for photography because one of his relative told him during one of his private photo shows that his pictures are badly compositioned and he should take a photography class. His passion was just suddenly gone from that moment on he never gave any photo shows any more. I remember his pictures were certainly far from todays flickr world, but as long as he is passionate about it, who cares. I could tell you many similar personal accounts of myself and, if I should die tonight, the most valuable thing I ever learned in my life is to never let other people judge you, your dreams and your life. To be aware of the constant bullshit that, if you are unaware, can ruin your self esteem and many dreams of your life.
So I want to talk to my parents to make them aware of it. And I thought of also making them aware that some of the negative input in my life came from them. I would tell them that I know it was with the best intentions, and that I am aware of it now, but that I would prefer if they would stop with it now.

Does this make sense?

05-13-2008, 09:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
metamorph Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: UK Posts: 175	Thank you Angela Still, I am not sure if you understand why I want to discuss these things with them. I see that I have very many traits in common with my parents and for a long time I thought that's just it. As in: you are born with it and you cannot do anything about it. But in the last 5 years with introversion, observing myself and others, seeing what makes people tick and what makes them react the way they do, I realised that very much is "conditioned" or trained. Also, I read literally hundreds of books. Subsequently I tried (and I am still trying) to untrain myself from negative conditioning that ruined my self esteem and shaped me in many other ways (social phobias). Back to my parents: I more and more realise that they have very many fears and limiting beliefs in common with me (or how I used to be). So one reason for speaking to them is to make them aware where all these beliefs come from. For instance: one of the big regrets of my mother is that she never took up the career she wanted until it was too late. When I asked her why, she said it was because of her maths teacher. I thought this was awful, since her whole career dream got destroyed by whatever some teacher had told her about the job or about herself. My fathes gae up a 30 year long passion for photography because one of his relative told him during one of his private photo shows that his pictures are badly compositioned and he should take a photography class. His passion was just suddenly gone from that moment on he never gave any photo shows any more. I remember his pictures were certainly far from todays flickr world, but as long as he is passionate about it, who cares. I could tell you many similar personal accounts of myself and, if I should die tonight, the most valuable thing I ever learned in my life is to never let other people judge you, your dreams and your life. To be aware of the constant bullshit that, if you are unaware, can ruin your self esteem and many dreams of your life. So I want to talk to my parents to make them aware of it. And I thought of also making them aware that some of the negative input in my life came from them. I would tell them that I know it was with the best intentions, and that I am aware of it now, but that I would prefer if they would stop with it now. Does this make sense?