Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - confronting parents about their "mistakes"??

metamorph · 05-13-2008, 09:03 PM

Thank you Angela

Still, I am not sure if you understand why I want to discuss these things with them. I see that I have very many traits in common with my parents and for a long time I thought that's just it. As in: you are born with it and you cannot do anything about it. But in the last 5 years with introversion, observing myself and others, seeing what makes people tick and what makes them react the way they do, I realised that very much is "conditioned" or trained. Also, I read literally hundreds of books. Subsequently I tried (and I am still trying) to untrain myself from negative conditioning that ruined my self esteem and shaped me in many other ways (social phobias). Back to my parents: I more and more realise that they have very many fears and limiting beliefs in common with me (or how I used to be). So one reason for speaking to them is to make them aware where all these beliefs come from. For instance: one of the big regrets of my mother is that she never took up the career she wanted until it was too late. When I asked her why, she said it was because of her maths teacher. I thought this was awful, since her whole career dream got destroyed by whatever some teacher had told her about the job or about herself. My fathes gae up a 30 year long passion for photography because one of his relative told him during one of his private photo shows that his pictures are badly compositioned and he should take a photography class. His passion was just suddenly gone from that moment on he never gave any photo shows any more. I remember his pictures were certainly far from todays flickr world, but as long as he is passionate about it, who cares. I could tell you many similar personal accounts of myself and, if I should die tonight, the most valuable thing I ever learned in my life is to never let other people judge you, your dreams and your life. To be aware of the constant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that, if you are unaware, can ruin your self esteem and many dreams of your life.
So I want to talk to my parents to make them aware of it. And I thought of also making them aware that some of the negative input in my life came from them. I would tell them that I know it was with the best intentions, and that I am aware of it now, but that I would prefer if they would stop with it now.

Does this make sense?

05-13-2008, 09:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
metamorph Family Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,098	Thank you Angela Still, I am not sure if you understand why I want to discuss these things with them. I see that I have very many traits in common with my parents and for a long time I thought that's just it. As in: you are born with it and you cannot do anything about it. But in the last 5 years with introversion, observing myself and others, seeing what makes people tick and what makes them react the way they do, I realised that very much is "conditioned" or trained. Also, I read literally hundreds of books. Subsequently I tried (and I am still trying) to untrain myself from negative conditioning that ruined my self esteem and shaped me in many other ways (social phobias). Back to my parents: I more and more realise that they have very many fears and limiting beliefs in common with me (or how I used to be). So one reason for speaking to them is to make them aware where all these beliefs come from. For instance: one of the big regrets of my mother is that she never took up the career she wanted until it was too late. When I asked her why, she said it was because of her maths teacher. I thought this was awful, since her whole career dream got destroyed by whatever some teacher had told her about the job or about herself. My fathes gae up a 30 year long passion for photography because one of his relative told him during one of his private photo shows that his pictures are badly compositioned and he should take a photography class. His passion was just suddenly gone from that moment on he never gave any photo shows any more. I remember his pictures were certainly far from todays flickr world, but as long as he is passionate about it, who cares. I could tell you many similar personal accounts of myself and, if I should die tonight, the most valuable thing I ever learned in my life is to never let other people judge you, your dreams and your life. To be aware of the constant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that, if you are unaware, can ruin your self esteem and many dreams of your life. So I want to talk to my parents to make them aware of it. And I thought of also making them aware that some of the negative input in my life came from them. I would tell them that I know it was with the best intentions, and that I am aware of it now, but that I would prefer if they would stop with it now. Does this make sense?