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Originally Posted by Keith  I'm sorry, but that's ludicrous. Masturbating to porn is not sex - it's not even a substitute for sex. Anyone who's done both can vouch for that.
Masturbation is a quick and convenient personal physical release - it has no emotional or social component. Masturbating to porn isn't comparable to cheating - it's just self-gratification. There is no emotional or romantic interest in the portrayed individuals - they're just abstract sex objects. (Which is creepy in itself, but that's a separate topic).
Cornfused,
I'm not clear from what you've said whether he views porn a lot and is just too 'spent' for sex (in which case it's an addiction that's a problem), or if you're 'just' bothered that he's still viewing porn when he doesn't appear to be attracted to you (in which case the actual problem is likely to be elsewhere).
Do you get the feeling that he's attracted to you? Does he look at your body appreciatively?
Just based on what you said, it's hard to narrow down a cause.
Masturbation is a lot less demanding than sex. Maybe he finds sex too demanding in some way? Maybe he's just tired? Maybe he's not emotionally up to it? Maybe he's having libido issues? Maybe (I'm sorry to suggest) he's not attracted to you due to other relationship problems? Maybe, if you've been repeatedly asking him for sex he feels overwhelming pressure to perform and would rather just avoid the issue?
Is there any chance he'd see a counsellor with you? This doesn't sound like something you're going to hash out between just the two of you. At the very least it'd give him an idea of how seriously you take the matter. (If you go this path make it clear that it's not a judgemental thing - you just want to develop more intimacy in your relationship). |
To be able to tell us how every single person feels about masturbation, to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one ever feels an emotional attachment, and to know for certain that no one substitutes masturbation for sex. Nothing is that black and white. No one can speak for everyone. Everyone is different. All anyone can "know" is what it is to them. It's usually more productive if people don't attack people's opinions with words like "ludicrous". I don't mind if someone disagrees with me, but I see no reason to put anyone's opinion down. It's better to nicely debate an issue with actual evidence rather than just say someone is flat out wrong. You know nothing about the people who write on this site. You're probably not the wisest person here nor am I. I'd rather keep the discussions less antagonizing because it distracts from the information that could be exchanged. It's better to be humble and open.