You're right to worry about falling back in to old patterns. I've written about a research study (
Is Happiness Contagious? ) that studied obesity and how likely it was that you would get obese if someone in your social circle got obese. (If your spouse or significant other becomes obese you're 37% more likely to become obese, an obese friend means you're 57% more likely to become obese) But it's not just obesity; your happiness, depression, favorite foods, drinking behavior, they're all influenced by your social circle.
As far as a solution... have you considered internet dating? It sounds kind of cheesy at first I know but you can find out a lot about someone's personality from a internet dating profile. I imagine most internet dating sites would even let you search by keyword, so you could search for potential dates interested in self-help. Two popular (and free) sites are plentyoffish.com and okcupid.com
Hope that helps!