I wanted to thank everyone who gave me responses after I ran this "open letter" in the forum. The advice and opinion was insightful, and gave me food for thought.
If you are interested, I will add an update to my situation, and another request for advice from "the interwebs".
Shortly after my first post, I continued with my strategy of heading for the job I had a shot at. The trouble was, this job had a very high rate of injury, and my heart was not exactly in it...I was going for it out of desperation, and seeing no other way out. Help for me came from a very unlikely source; on of my older brothers and a friend of his. They were able to supply me with housing at my brothers, limited financing as well as connections for jobs and many more things than I can count. Their generosity is something that I can never repay, and it has been an enormous success. Within less then four months of my being with them, I was GAINFULLY employed at, quite possibly, one of the best companies one can work at...(in terms of its management respect and assistant to the employees, the atmosphere...its a joy), bought a car and was reenrolled at a new college for some evening classes. I am now working on my savings and things are truly looking up...I love the work that I do, and I am being mentored by the head of the department....every week is a new challenge and I have to say, I am surprising myself. The one wrinkle in all of this: I had to leave all of my other family behind, as I was the only helped (I was seen as salvageable).
Against this backdrop of roses, I had to slowly watch them as they drove each-over slowly mad with frustration, and watch their finances slip away. they received charity form some friends, and racked up enormous debt, but I could see the end of it all coming down the pike for some time....just watching it all happen in slow motion....it was very hard for me.
I was told that I needed to focus on myself, that I had to let them go, as they were literal failures at life (something I am not above agreeing with) and that I needed to solidify my position in life before I could help anyone else. For a time, I agreed, as I had little choice....I couldn't yet survive on my own. Then the day came that I had been working there for months, I received a pay grade increase and the timer on my families "stability" was just about run out. So I took action.
All the advice and wisdom I gained from my older brother and friend was usually correct...but we began to run into differences when they started pushing me to prepare for the "next step"....buying a house. This is were we differed.
I, not entirely out of fear, was not all that enthusiastic about the prospect of buying a house in our current economic situation in the USA, and the state in which I live is literally at the bottom level of the US......in almost every way economically. Their plan had me staying with them for about another 20 months....saving up an enormous amount of money, and then using it as a down payment. Sounds good at face value, but the sum they wanted me to save was very high, so much so that it would cut into my college a bit, and it prevented me from taking any action to help my other family members. We reached an empass when they declared that I would not intervene, and if I did, I would be out.
I intervened without their knowledge.....call me a jack*** but I was compelled to help my family...I had the funds, I had the ability, I had the feeling that I needed to give them ONE more chance....so I got an apartment not far from my job (at a bargain rate I might add), a shorter commute then I had at my brothers, and I have now moved them into apartment. I have just today informed my brother and my friend....they are not taking it well.
...they see all my efforts as a step back from the glorious future they say for me...owning and hoe and building equity...free from any of the negative influences of my family.
I have however, tried to be smart. I have set a deadline of roughly one year for my father to get his *** back in gear....failure to do so....well....I have hardened a bit in the last year, and I am not above taking additional action to save myself from him....I am working to help my brother get some basic work for himself, maybe even GED....my mother is working at regaining some health....she is thinking she may be able to obtain some employment....things are starting to show a slim ray of hope for them. I will be moving in with them soon.
Steve left an interesting point of view....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina  What a wonderful position to be in. I mean that with all seriousness because it's these kinds of incredibly tough situations that ultimately shape us into something extraordinary. You're very lucky to face such a situation in your 20s, although it may not seem so now.
I can't tell you the answer, but I can point out the real question you're asking, which may make it easier to decide what to do. Your real question is, "Who am I?" Consider each of your options, and for each one of them ask yourself, "Is this me?" Which of the possible paths before you best reflects the real you?
That's all you really need to decide. Which path is me? Many times the answer becomes clear when we look at it that way, but we resist and resist because we don't yet accept who we are. The external situation just is -- the struggle and suffering exist only in our minds. |
I have come to recognize that within me, I a;ways think of other first...making me wonder if I have the "toughness" to stand my ground and look after myself when it may hurt someone else....is that a conflict that is only in myself, that if I trust "the universe" things will work out in the end for me? I am by no means religious, but the way things came into shape...its shocking....I focused totally on myself for awhile, and things worked so well....now that I am focusing outward, I am encountering resistance and indignation from the benefactors who I love deeply. Kind of like that phrase, "No good deed goes unpunished". The trouble with me is, I always want to do good deeds, I have always since I was young, wanted to...make things slightly better than what they are now....I worry that this makes me a target for abuse....
Some of the questions are, can I justifiably "force" them onto the streets if I am not satisfied with there progress...(or lack there of) in the future? Do I have the right to do so...how much sacrifice (lack of better term) on my part is to much....how much should I care about myself....
I already have an idea of the answer to these questions (i did not take this action lightly, or with a half baked plan...) but I do need other opinions on the matter...so please, if you are interested, I would greatly appreciate as much feedback as possible.
OK.......this is rambling stream of consciousness, and if you have read it, I both applaud you patience, thank you for it and beg your forgiveness all at the same time
Any opinion is welcome. And of course, I will be happy to follow up questions.
Best regards,
Looking for answers