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Old 05-11-2008, 08:00 PM
Steve Pavlina Steve Pavlina is offline
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@Spartan:

What I'm hearing behind your words is a frustration with being judged for not meeting what you consider the current social standard for masculinity. We're all free to reject such standards if they don't apply to us. However, your reaction suggests that internally you continue to maintain that same standard but feel unable to meet it. Therefore, you choose to despise and attack the standard itself in order to avoid feelings of inadequacy. This is unnecessary, however.

I'll suggest a couple ways you can resolve this inner conflict.

First, you can admit to yourself that you agree with some of the male standard and work on yourself to express those parts you agree with, while still fully accepting where you are right now (see Self Acceptance vs. Personal Growth). This includes facing the fear of how people may treat you when you embody such qualities.

Alternatively, you may consciously develop your own standard for behavior that's very different from what I wrote. You can reject certain masculine values if you reall don't consider them right for you. This also requires accepting where you are right now, even as you continue to grow in the direction you choose.

Either way the problem of non-acceptance is resolved. You'll stop feeling such a need to attack beliefs you disagree with when you've reached the point of congruence with your own beliefs.

We're often taught to despise what we think we can't have, but this doesn't help us live more consciously.
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