[mercuryrising]

These are some great suggestions. I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me out here.

Originally Posted by blazer1

confidence of course is a state of mind, a state of mind which can be derived through physical means.

I like the way you put this. I find it fascinating that by changing the body through different activities, the mind changes. There is a saying I once heard, "You cannot think your way into a new way of acting; you must act your way into a new way of thinking."

I recently started practicing yoga (Rodney Yee is a robot) again after a long hiatus-- ok, a complete hibernation. A friend also asked if I wanted to start working-out with him. Exercise may be one of the most direct ways to gain confidence.

Originally Posted by moriez

I believe that you cannot have everything. You are born with certain core characteristics and after your child and adolescent years you cannot change them too much in my opinion. Well, maybe a bit and for some even substantially. I guess that depends on how much work you put into it and what works for you. Personally I have reached the stage where I am trying to just accept who I am with every flaw and every gift that is me. That is incredibly hard enough. Could this work for you?

A friend of mine once explained dna to me as a series of switches. Some of those switches are in a fixed position (like your gender or ethnic traits), but most of them can be turned 'on' or 'off' by experience. People who appear naturally confident have had experiences that have turned that trait 'on'... and, given, some people are more apt to have those experiences. But I don't think that anyone is prevented from becoming confident.

I think what matters most is an attitude of willingness to change. Experience creates tendencies in thinking and behavior, placing arbitrary limits on perception. So I think our characteristics can be changed.

The point I think you are really making is about self-acceptance. I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, that is true. And sometimes I am not-so-confident because whatever the topic is I know is not up to my standards of perfection (including me). There is a difference between being proficient and perfect. Acceptance is something I need to work on. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Just a Thought

Knowing yourself, knowing why you care, why you want to contribute, why you don't want to come off like you're bragging--why you want to be more confident--is the key to being able to rely on yourself. So do some soul searching and find out what you want and why you want it.

There is one thing that never goes away, never hides, and most surely will never do so: you. Who you are cannot be changed by anyone other than you. People may not like you for you, but what are they worth to you?

So next time you head into a conversation always know that you know yourself. Understand that they are talking to you, and that they wish to know about you--the same person they saw yesterday, and the same personal they will see tomorrow.

Just think about the overwhelming confidence inherent in the fact that you are yourself!

That's an awesome thought worthy of the exclamation point!

A few years back, I moved away from my hometown and was living in a completely different part of the country. It's like I was a different person. Then I came back because my kids live here and I felt myself sink back into my old self-image. It wasn't so much the change in geography (though that helped), it was the way my family saw me and the associations I had made with where I live.

I won't make this a long story, but I have a very controlling mother. She's very nice and means the best, but she still treats me like I'm sixteen. And she likes it that way. She doesn't want me to grow up and be the adult I already am. It's her view of me that I find the hardest to get over probably because she's my mom.

As you point out, it's ultimately up to me.

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

A simple 100% work method:

Be present and feel dominant over yourself and your environment (uplifting, not overbearing), as you self-generate good feelings and emotions and do not rely on anything or anyone to generate it for you.

Just get the Blueprint. That's a sick 20 hr. diatribe into confidence.

That's it in a nutshell, isn't it? I like the RSD guys. They are walking proof that confidence can be taught.

Originally Posted by ABlix

Confidence comes from memory, in the humblest most confident opinion possible. Train your memory and you are golden. It takes a while, but we all living a journey of life, are we not?

I think Steve recommends The Memory Book by Harry Loraynes. Although it's a wonderful practical book, if you're looking for something a little more afterward I would suggest the book "The Memory Palace of Matteo Ricci," which starts out with a story about the origin of memory systems and how to train them.

I was just thinking about this. Like people who are confident are re-calling the experiences that made them feel that way. It occurred to me that people who aren't confident tend to forget the moments when they are confident and enhance the moments when they fail or embarass themselves.

The past is entirely subjective, right? It's not a far cry from the imagination. I wondered if "installing" false memories of confidence would not improve the situation. Something worth looking into.

Thanks for the resources, I'll look into them as well.