[cylon]

My observation on the miserable artist discussion:

I don't think the great artists have to create because they need to express misery and pain. Of course, being one of these "great artists" myself (lol) I can be in a positive mood, I'll start creating some music and what will come out is very melancholy. I've really struggled with this. I am learning to live a more joyful life, the music is all I want to do, yet when I write, it is usually not this upbeat joyful stuff coming out of me. Yeah, most of my life has been in some sort of mental anguish. Creativity is a good way to channel that energy.

What I'm focusing on now is, just going with it. If that's what comes out of me, I can't fight it. See, my ego is attached to the idea that (get this) in order to write great music, I can't have a happy life. I can't have good things in my life, good relationships, because if I weren't depressed, where's the creativity going to come from? Yet, when I'm feeling down, I do not have the energy to write. It's the last thing I can make myself do. I can force myself, but it's better when I'm amped up THEN sit at the keyboard and start playing. It's kind of a paradox isn't it.

Can't get too intellectual about it though. When you create it just happens, you have to honor it, you have to go with it---because it's happening through you. It's not your ego. It's your real self expressing itself. And perhaps your real self is mourning something, in order to move past it. Don't know. But when I try to make sense of it, I come to a standstill.

My observations on eckhart/oprah/ALG describing real life:

Tolle/Oprah. Dancer turned me onto this webcast series, and I had already read both of his books. Have watched all 10 webcasts, and am now listening to each chapter's audio, repeatedly. Finally clicking.

Why do we BELIEVE that if we were totally present all the time, we would be zombies, ineffective, not able to function? Because that's the ego saying "don't kill me--I'm a parastite that has taken over the host and I will not go away". In essence, when we work on this, we are throwing our identities out the window. Years and years of identity, gone. Now... THAT'S SCARY. Hell it's all I know. You're asking me to burn down my own house?

ALG is describing real life. How life is truly lived from our true nature, separate from completely uneccessary thinking and worrying. It's real. Things flow. Confusion goes away. Things make sense without thinking about them. You're more efficient and relaxed at the same time. And the weird thing is instead of struggling...stuff comes to you. "Damn I hope that guy is there so I can call him--" he calls you. "Gee I want to learn more about XYZ" someone comes over and gives you a book on XYZ. It's F'D UP.

More paradoxes--the less effort, the greater the result.

Of course, it takes practice. Soon the ego comes back and it's business as normal. But--the more you do this-- the more frequent it happens, and you start to have a sense of who you really are. The real you. Behind the thought, just pure awarness. And that's when things get freaky. Still riding the waves. Looking forward to ego lessening more and more.