Hi everyone
I am new to this forum and this is my first post
I have been into self-help and personal development for about 5 years now. Although I might not be the right person to judge it, I feel to be a very different person today than I was before. I have changed many of my old habits and thought patterns, but when I am in romantic relationships with someone, who does not have the same self-help background and focus as me, I feel challenged to fall back into old habits.
For example I tried to reduce or stop gossiping, moaning, being negative and being too reactive. I started to really enjoy periods of silence for meditation and do not need external stimuli all the time.
However, I find it hard to find partners with these same values. My last 2 girlfriends for instance would "need" to talk about every emotional detail of their workday, gossip about colleagues etc. They would "need" to switch the TV or radio on all the time. These relationships lasted both less than 6 months.
My question really is how to cope with partners you like for many other reasons, but who do not share your "self-help values and ideas". I used to find it really hard to even discuss these things with partners. My concern is falling back into old patterns (gossiping, worrying, negativity, reactivity, low self-esteem etc) because there is no doubt that people will influence eachother over the time. In a way I am worried about being dragged into the wrong direction again. Am I being petty?
Maybe I just found the wrong women, but then I find it really hard to find people in
real life with whom I can discuss or share the topics we would discuss on these boards.
Overall self-help has helped me loads and my social life is better than ever, but I also think on a very
deep personal level it has made me more lonely. Does this make sense?