[abotha]

Hi,

Good questions that need a lot of thinking about....

Firstly, I would not live in fear. Fear of losing someone due to what I lack. The obsession will be gone. I will be free from having to compensate for what I lack and will ultimately be free to just be me! (How bad it may seem to me now). Free from having to controll and being in control of all situations that may arrise. Free from waiting for the day where my lack will be met by someone else. Free from hating myself and being able to just be happy, totaly and honestly happy because of a real acceptance and not one prescribed. Anger will leave my world. Assurance in the fact that I can just 'be'! I won't have to protect myself anymore! I can be confident in the knowledge that I lack nothing and people who are with me are totally content and happy with me.

Secondly, I have gotten in to the acceptance that I can only have below standard people in my life and have to settle for less than what I would have liked to have. My choice was not to have a wife who has been divorced somany times and other mens children but to have had the same of what I had to offer, no previous marraiges or children. The best I could offer any wife. However, my reakoning was, let me take someone who has no choice as to accept me because I offer something better than what she is offering me and thus cast a shadow over the lack I have. Basically, she does not mind the lack because I am willing to settle for less. Thus, I would have people in my life who can be what I deserve not what I settle for.

Thirdly, I will be able to have confidence through real knowledge. I would be able not to shy away from people and thus open so many more opportunities for my future. As men and ultimately women also have an effect on how, what when, etc I do or do not do my whole future is ruined and this would all be gone if and only if you had that magic wand to make my problem dissapear.