Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Moving on with Life after the end of a long term relationship

VelociRaptor · 05-10-2008, 09:22 AM

Hey All,

Been lurking on these forums for a little while, and have decided to sign up and start posting.

Basically my wife and I separated 3 weeks ago after an 11 year relationship (2.5 years married), it wasn't expected from my side, I thought things where all okay. We had been trying to have children for the last 2.5 years without any luck, during this time my wife changed her whole outlook on life, found a new circle of friends told me she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. I hung in there for 3 months hoping things may turn around, trying my hardest to give her the space she needed, but it go to the stage where we both thought it best we go our own ways. I had been in this relationship since I was 18/19 and it was probably only the 3rd relationship I ever had.

So now I start a new stage in my life, hoping to try and find some new friends and start trying to really enjoy life. I think one of the mistakes (not sure if that is the best word for it) I made during the relationship was committing all my time and effort to it and forgetting about myself.

I am quite shy/wussy when it comes to starting a conversation with other people (especially females) but am fine if they approach me and start up a conversation. This is something that I am going to have to work on. I guess time is what is going to allow me to get over the emotional strain of separating, I know it isn't helping me at work and also makes it hard for me to try new things at the moment because I am not fully committed. Anyone have any ideas on how to help with this, or is it something that time will eventually sort out? I don't want to become a hermit, so I still go out as much as I can, with the guys after work for a few beers, watch some basketball, even to the movies on my own on the odd occasion.

After reading through this post, I have noticed I haven't really asked any specific questions, so I guess I am after some general ideas on how to work though this stage. I guess another question is, and it probably is one of those where you can't give an exact answer as it is probably different for everyone, but how long do I wait before I start pursuing a relationship again? Or do I just work on making new friends and a relationship will take care of itself?

Anyway, thanks in advance for any help.

VR

05-10-2008, 09:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
VelociRaptor Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Barassie, Scotland, UK Posts: 38	Moving on with Life after the end of a long term relationship Hey All, Been lurking on these forums for a little while, and have decided to sign up and start posting. Basically my wife and I separated 3 weeks ago after an 11 year relationship (2.5 years married), it wasn't expected from my side, I thought things where all okay. We had been trying to have children for the last 2.5 years without any luck, during this time my wife changed her whole outlook on life, found a new circle of friends told me she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. I hung in there for 3 months hoping things may turn around, trying my hardest to give her the space she needed, but it go to the stage where we both thought it best we go our own ways. I had been in this relationship since I was 18/19 and it was probably only the 3rd relationship I ever had. So now I start a new stage in my life, hoping to try and find some new friends and start trying to really enjoy life. I think one of the mistakes (not sure if that is the best word for it) I made during the relationship was committing all my time and effort to it and forgetting about myself. I am quite shy/wussy when it comes to starting a conversation with other people (especially females) but am fine if they approach me and start up a conversation. This is something that I am going to have to work on. I guess time is what is going to allow me to get over the emotional strain of separating, I know it isn't helping me at work and also makes it hard for me to try new things at the moment because I am not fully committed. Anyone have any ideas on how to help with this, or is it something that time will eventually sort out? I don't want to become a hermit, so I still go out as much as I can, with the guys after work for a few beers, watch some basketball, even to the movies on my own on the odd occasion. After reading through this post, I have noticed I haven't really asked any specific questions, so I guess I am after some general ideas on how to work though this stage. I guess another question is, and it probably is one of those where you can't give an exact answer as it is probably different for everyone, but how long do I wait before I start pursuing a relationship again? Or do I just work on making new friends and a relationship will take care of itself? Anyway, thanks in advance for any help. VR