Quote:
Originally Posted by Tasaio  I was twelve years old. One night, my frantic fondling and pulling-down finally caused me to ejaculate. But that short-term pleasure was nothing compared to the worry and anxiety I would go through, over the next few years.
At that time, I thought that I had something physically wrong with my reproductive system. Somehow...I was able to ejaculate by myself--I didn't need a girlfriend to have sex with. I figured, if anyone found out, they would want to use surgery to learn how I developed this special ability, which I thought unique to my body. 
I knew I was addicted to this...ability...and felt that I was no different from a crack coccaine addict. I was terrified to tell anyone, lest the "solution" involve surgery. Or, even worse, my special ability being leaked to the press. I was afraid of becoming known as "the amazing kid who could ejaculate by himself". I also assumed that I had a finite number of sperm, and that I was prematurely "using them up" by ejaculating.
. . .
Anyway, I eventually confessed my "addiction" to a close family member, just before entering high school at age fourteen. She kindly explained that everyone-- everyone--could (and did!) masturbate, as I learned it was called. To my shock, apparently even my militaristic father (whom I was most afraid of finding out my secret) masturbated regularly.
It's amazing, as you grow older and get away from conservative Bible-thumping parents, just how much worry and stress melts away.  |
Same here, I was 11 or 12 as well the first time and was absolutely terrified after I realized what I'd done- I thought for sure it meant I was going to end up becoming an insane rapist or something, because I honestly thought no sane person did it. I remember as well thinking that, if I were ever caught, I'd probably be put in an insane asylum for the rest of my life. Strangely enough, I don't know where I got these ideas, definitely not from parents who weren't bible-beating nutcases by any means, somehow I guess I just came up with it all on my own- I'm sure being dragged to a Baptist church every weekend didn't help.
As an aside, anyone who claims you should "never masturbate" or seems somehow terrified of their own genitalia genuinely worries me- reminds me again of the Baptist church I had to attend as a kid. I'm sure though that just like me, every boy there my age at the time and older, all that preaching about hell and immorality be damned, went straight home and into the bathroom to masturbate thinking about the hot women that attended
