I really think the answer is simple. Some people would rather have sex with a picture than make love to a real person. The differences are deep. One is an approach to self-gratification, the other is a sharing of intimacy.
I was married for nearly three decades to someone like your husband. If your marriage goes as mine did, you will find more and more that it lacks true intimacy and will always lack such intimacy. If intimacy is important to you, I'd walk away. You won't change him -- this is big, and he is already well down this path. He is comfortable with letting you be frustrated while he gratifies himself elsewhere sans love, sans real human to human sharing. Is that the mark of a real mate; is that even kind? To me it is a bit sadistic.
If you want to live as brother and sister, then get divorced and go for it. That way, when you want a mate who is intimate, there is a space for him to show up. While you are in this marriage, you are committed to be a mate to someone who, really, doesn't want you as a mate, only as some kind of sister.
Are you ok with that? I guess that is the real Q, in my mind.
Nevermind trying to figure him out. . . you could waste your life trying to figure others out. In the end, who cares. In your shoes, what I would care about is the underlying unkindness this man brings into your marriage. He made a commitment to you when he married you, to be a spouse, a mate to you. If he cares about you and your relationship as mates, he'd be making sure your needs for intimacy are addressed; not off playing with some porn by himself somewhere.
Not sure this helps -- Blessings from Belle,
